


A Dusty Journal

by First_Duchess



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, Explicit rating for later chapters, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Masturbation, Post-Promised Day, Slow Burn, Strong Language, Will add tags as I go, Winry went snooping and gets mad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-07-24 22:33:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20022103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/First_Duchess/pseuds/First_Duchess
Summary: "I don't really understand it, is all." Winry mumbled into the phone, then her tone got serious. "Seriously, and be honest with me, Mustang, what perverse bullshit did you subject Ed to? Because that's the only logical explanation I can come up with for this."Roy sat there, dumbfounded and speechless (which was a rarity), and didn't have much sense in himself to cut the tension over the line."I'm sorry, Ms. Rockbell, could you repeat all that?"





	1. Spring Cleaning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sitting on this idea for a week so here's to me publishing my first work at AO3, woo! I thought about making it a oneshot but then decided that wasn't as fun, and that this would be better broken up with chapters.
> 
> This takes place after the Promised Day, but we're gonna pretend Ed marrying Win doesn't happen because that kinda throws off the whole thing, ya dig?
> 
> I'll add tags as I go and will mention them in the chapters where they are used, in case anyone wants to skip that chapter in particular.

“I swear. The next time they’re in town, they can be the ones to clean house.”

Winry let out an aggravated huff as she wiped sweat off her brow. Spring cleaning wasn’t her favorite activity, however she was typically able to avoid it by doing other things, such as working with clients, fixing or adjusting some parts, or by traveling between home and Rush Valley. Her workload had been uncharacteristically low, and Granny Pinako suggested for her to pass the time by cleaning house.

 _Funny,_ Winry wondered, _how she suggested for me to do something she kept mentioning she should do herself._

As she began dusting the top of the chest-of-drawers, she was mindful of the picture frames that littered the top of them. One was a personal favorite of hers, a picture of herself with Edward and Alphonse when they returned home after the Promised Day. She smiled with remembrance of how she felt when they returned home, realizing that they would no longer have to put themselves in any unnecessary danger, and then she carried on her with task.

There were other pictures aligned with that one. A favorite of all was the photo of Trisha with Ed and Al when they were younger. Next to it, a recent photo of Elysia from her last birthday party, standing next to the cake that Alphonse insisted on making since it was the first birthday of hers that he was in his actual body. Winry helped, being the baker she is, and Elysia was thrilled that her big brother and sister made her a cake; Gracia appreciated the help as well.

Her smile fell slightly at the next photo, one that was recent. It was of Edward and Colonel Roy Mustang, the day that Edward gave him his resignation papers and his watch to leave the military.

The picture itself didn’t bother her much; she knew that he had helped the boys greatly with their journey and supplied them well with resources. She partially couldn’t stand the trouble the brothers got put in and couldn’t help but partly blame the Colonel for it, despite knowing Edward’s ways of getting himself into trouble on his own. There were instances she knew of where Ed’s life was at risk, so there was no telling of the times that she didn’t know of. What rubbed her the wrong way was the look the two had in the photo. Sure, it was a happy photo, although probably solemn on the Colonel’s side (after all, he was losing one of his team members), but there was something about the smiles and the looks in their eyes that she couldn’t place. And the Colonel, being the slightly taller one, had his arm around Ed’s shoulders, too. His military jacket off, white shirt sleeves rolled up, top few buttons undone, and his other hand in his pocket. Ed had his overcoat off too and had his sleeves rolled up as well, so it wasn’t like they were very hard at work. Maybe they threw Ed a party? She saw some liquor in the background and--

“Ow! Son of a bee sting!” Winry shouted as she stumped her toe against the furniture. She looked down at the offending object, almost as if expecting it to apologize, and then went about her way. She remembered a couple days before that Den had been making a fuss over a toy that rolled under the bed Alphonse typically occupied, so Winry got down to get the toy out. She felt around for a bit, and finally got her prize, picked it up, and took it to the hall to toss it to Den. 

Her next order of business was to sweep. It got quite dusty around the place, especially with pet dander. She started around the edges of the room, working her way to the middle, then back to another edge. It felt more gratifying when she had one giant pile as opposed to all the small ones. As she bent a little to sweep under the bed that Ed typically used, she felt the broom smack against an object.

“Huh, that’s weird…” Winry mumbled, and she bent down to look. She saw what appeared to be a book and used the broom to slide it out.

While Winry knew Edward to be even more of a careless, chaotic, messy individual than she was, she also knew how he kept certain things, especially his books. Even though he didn’t have many personal things around the house, he had an adequate book shelf he made with alchemy a few years ago and used it to keep books he had found in his travels. Whether they were pristine or cracked with age, they were always put in their place with care, and he never just tossed them around. Just as she was keen about her workshop, Edward was with his books. As such, it struck Winry odd that he had a book just flung under the bed.

It wasn’t a spectacular looking thing. It didn’t have legendary craftsmanship in its binding, or was made of extraordinary materials, and the pages were sewn in unevenly. A cheap book at its best, or an amateur’s homemade at its worse. There was no title, no information on the spine, and it was worn out. It almost felt like it would fall apart as she opened it. She peered at the first page, stained with some tea in the corner.

“Property of…Edward...Elric?” Winry mused at the chicken scratch. It was reminiscent of when he first lost his arm and leg; since he was right-handed, he had to learn how to write with his left, and that was a challenge she remembered, sometimes hearing him throw pens and papers off the desk out of frustraion. She thumbed threw the pages, not particularly caring to read, and noticed that as it went on, the writing improved, meaning that this book had been in use for years.

“So…Ed has been keeping a journal all this time?” She said aloud to herself, and then she got a wicked grin. Who knew of the secrets this book held! Perhaps she could know his deepest, dark wishes, or some funny information for blackmail. Maybe some things he never told her about his travels! Or maybe, a love confession she could prod him and pick on him with, maybe about herself…

“Yeesh, get ahold of yourself, you’re not 12 anymore. Besides, it’s probably coded.” Winry snorted and decided to prove herself right by reading the first page. Only to find out, surprisingly, that it indeed wasn’t coded, and she could read it plain as day with one-hundred percent comprehension.

The first page was a typical first-day journal entry, consisting of Ed not knowing why he was even writing in the book to begin with, considering it stupid, and admitting he’d probably stop after a week. Sure enough, the next page dated was a week later, then the next a whole month after, and even after that was three months. But she also noticed that as the timespan between entries got longer, so did the amount he wrote.

She shut the book gently and looked around, almost as if she thought she would get caught red-handed like a kid in a cookie jar. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she re-opened it, flipped to a random page in the middle, and began to read.

* * *

On yet another train heading towards Central, Edward shuffled threw his bag and swore to himself. Very rarely did he leave anywhere without his journal.

“Oh, damn it all, of course one of the times I’m really itching to write, I don’t have the fucking thing.” A woman passing down the aisle gave him an ugly look for his language, and Edward could really care less. It annoyed him to no end that he didn’t have it, and even more so that he, Edward Elric, forgot the blasted thing.

He sipped at his orange juice and then it dawned on him, and sighed, realizing he left it under his bed back at Resembool. A faint prickle of heat hit him, but he shushed it away quickly, because there wouldn’t be any reason for Winry or Granny Pinako to go snooping under the bed, which meant he had no reason to worry about someone reading that journal.

Still annoyed, but at least satisfied in knowing he left it somewhere he could find it again easily, he resumed reading a book that the Colonel had lent to him. Unknown to the Colonel, Edward mused with a toothy grin, the book wasn’t going to be returned. Besides, the bastard had enough books as it was, and he needed to share more.

“I don’t like that look on your face, brother.” Alphonse admitted as he sat down, just returning from the washroom. “You look like you’re plotting a murder.”

“I’m not plotting a murder, Al.” Ed grumbled as he took a bite of some toast, “I’m simply enjoying the fact that the bastard isn’t getting this book back.”

“Why not?”

“I decided to just keep it.”

“That’s stealing, Ed.”

“I like to call it ‘undetermined-date-of-return’. If he doesn’t ask, then it doesn’t matter.”

“And if he _does_ ask?” Alphonse prodded at him, pointing his fork at him. “What’s your response then?”

“Well,” Ed shrugged, “maybe he shouldn’t have let me borrow it. Mustang should know better by now. I’m an honest man where everyone else is concerned, but he had it coming by just being a smarmy ass who is egotistical and very proud of his book collection. I wanna dial him down a notch.”

“If he’s so proud of his collection, Ed, don’t you think then that it must mean _a lot_ for him to be able to lend that book out to you? That must mean he trusts you a great amount, don’t you think?”

Edward felt a slight blush creep up on him, but he waved Al off. “H-he probably has another copy of this book somewhere else. A better edition or a rare one or something like that. This book is also pretty rudimentary where he’s concerned, assuming he’s had it for a while or something, so unless he wants it to refer back to it, there’s no need for him to have it anyway.” And Edward kept on, almost complimenting Roy more than he was defending his klepto-habit.

Alphonse smirked as he sipped his tea, and it was Ed’s turn to say, “Ya know, Al, I really don’t like that face you’re making.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Drop a kudos or a comment if you enjoy. :^) I'll try to update by the end of the week. I'm recovering from a sickness that has my fingers feeling a bit numb, but I'll try my best.


	2. Pen and Paper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, he journaled about the most mundane things; the amount of work Hawkeye forced upon him, the stupid shenanigans Breda got into, or even how Black Hayate napped in 10 different locations in a span of 2 hours. Sometimes, his entries are short.
> 
> And other times, like tonight, the entries are long, drawn out, detailed, and were not mundane at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I for some reason had to churn this out right after posting the very first chapter, otherwise my soul was going to dissipate.
> 
> Mentions: alcohol, swearing, implied sexual activities, depression/suicide

If there was one thing Roy knew, it was that journaling was healthy for the mind and soul.

His Aunt Chris mentioned it to him when he was a brooding teenager, Maes brought it up during boot camp, and even Riza offhandedly commented on it when they were off duty at a bar with the team, suggesting it would be a better place to put his thoughts than drowning them out with whiskey.

He still hadn’t quite learned how to not drown the thoughts but writing them out was reducing his habits.

He didn’t start until well after the Ishval War, when the nightmares were too much and Maes had found him passed out drunk in a pile of books. After he had put a barrel in his mouth and tasted the metal, then deemed himself too much of a coward to pull the trigger, and decided it was easier to just drink himself to death. When Maes had him by his shirt collar and almost socked him in the jaw if he didn’t get his shit together and continue working towards his goal. The very next day, he went to a local shop, bought a cheap leather-bound book, and went home to write, but he never mentioned it to Maes. He didn’t write much at first, and not every day and not a lot sometimes at all, but it’s turned into more than one book. He’s on his fourth one now, and Roy did toy with the idea of just alchemizing the books together, but he was rather fond of the state they were in now, as if each book itself represented a specific chapter or time-frame in his life. Ranging from a depressed, shell-shocked, sorry excuse of a man to the (still) depressed, yet more hopeful man that he is now.

He swirled his poison of choice and took a sip, humming at the pleasant burn as it trickled down his throat, and he was happy with the fact that drinking was now not so much of a way to escape the pain, and that sometimes, he truly can just drink to enjoy the taste. He lived modest, but there were two things he liked to spend money on, and it was books and booze.

He glanced up at the clock and sighed, setting his glass down on the desk and rubbing his temples. Two a.m. the clock read, and Roy was just thankful tomorrow was an off day from the office for himself. He glanced over at the prescription medication for his insomnia, still relenting on taking it, and then just threw the bottle in his desk drawer to be forgotten, and then remembered, and then the cycle will continue. It wasn’t that he didn’t like admitting he had a sleep problem, he just didn’t like medication. Besides, shouldn’t the alcohol be putting him to sleep anyway?

Roy toyed with his pen as he eyed his journal, noticing he stopped a sentence halfway and decided to scribble on, not being the one to stop things in the middle, or to leave things unfinished. _Even if it’s just a journal entry_ , Roy thought to himself, _I don’t like starting something and not finishing it_.

Sometimes, he journaled about the most mundane things; the amount of work Hawkeye forced upon him, the stupid shenanigans Breda got into, or even how Black Hayate napped in 10 different locations in a span of 2 hours. Sometimes, his entries are short.

And other times, like tonight, the entries are long, drawn out, detailed, and were not mundane at all.

Roy had tried sleeping, really, he had. And he was almost successful, too. He got right in that sweet spot between fully conscious and deeply sleeping, and had a quick thought cross his mind in full color that had his skin burning and fingers itching to purge that thought out _now_ so he could rest.

And that thought was none other than the legendary Edward Elric.

It started small (no pun intended towards the blonde’s height), and innocent, like it always does. Accidentally brushing against each other, bumping into each other in the hallway, their routine pestering and name-calling getting a different tone to them. Then it was wayward glances, being caught staring, or looking at the other when talking to someone else. Roy continuously filed it away, assuming he needed to get out more, or at the least, get laid, and he didn’t think much more of it than just noticing that the man in front of him was, well, indeed a man now, and Roy wasn’t too shy to acknowledge when a man was attractive. And he just left it at that. Until the day Edward dropped off his resignation paperwork and his pocket watch

Roy knew it was coming. The whole team did. It still didn’t make it any easier. Roy did the routine bargaining just for his own paperwork’s sake; tried to talk it out with him, convince him otherwise, offer him more of a civilian contract. Edward had none of it, like Roy knew he would, and he offered him his hand as a farewell, and then he suggested a party for his departure. When Edward accepted if Roy was the one paying the tab, Roy realized that his mouth suggested the idea before his brain even caught up to it.

The party was held that night in the office, after most of the building had gone on home for the night. It was just the Mustang team, with Edward and Alphonse of course. There was card games, music and radio talk show, drinks, good food (courtesy of the store, considering the impromptu get-together), and just a whole lot of merriment. They weren’t dogs of the military, or in a chain of command. They were just able to interact as civilians, and, Roy mused, that’s just what he and the Elric brothers needed as a last hoorah.

Alphonse was the one that suggested taking the picture, and Roy still remembered Edward making (or maybe feigning) a face of ‘No-thanks’, but Al insisted, and Ed didn’t dare tell him no. So, in nature of the casual affair, Roy threw his arm around Edward’s shoulders, and he felt Ed’s arm slightly settle along his lower back, and in that moment, time stood still, and the world spun all at once.

Roy was suddenly hyper-aware of Edward’s presence, how the boy, no, _man_ , was closer to his height now. How Edward stood _strong_ , firm, confident, and since when did he have a sense to wear cologne? It was a soft scent, reminding him of being in the woods, like pine and rushing rivers and campfire smoke, or maybe that was just _him_. Ed was the embodiment of nature, outdoors, exploring, adventure—a fire made by man but could not be tamed by man. And how right it was of course for him to enjoy being in the sun, with hair and eyes and a smile as bright as his, almost as if the sun blessed him personally. Roy had read about the honey-gold color of Xerxian descendants in old books, and as Edward turned into the man he is now, Roy further realized that those books did not do him any justice. Roy couldn’t even stop himself, he had to look over at him, and he noticed how his sleeves were rolled up past his elbows. His vest fit him nice and snug and was flattering, his collar was loose, and he could see his collar bone, like it was taunting him. He noticed how the lights of the room lit up his hair, letting it shine more radiantly than any piece of fine gold jewelry he had ever seen. He didn’t hear what Alphonse said, but he definitely heard the laugh that rose from Edward, warm and hearty and comfort and _home_. How his eyes crinkled slightly with the wide smile he made, and Roy realized out of nowhere that _he_ wanted to make Ed smile and laugh like that, and then it turned into _shit, he’s leaving my command_ , followed by _wait, he’s_ leaving _my command_ , like it was the best idea he ever heard.

And then Edward looked at him. And Roy realized he got caught staring.

And instead of Edward grimacing, or giving an ugly face, his smile somehow got even more beautiful, and _genuine_ , and Roy truthfully did hear Alphonse say, ‘Smile for the camera!’, and he did turn his head towards the camera when Ed did, but he forgot to look towards it. He truly meant to look at the camera, but he didn’t, and then he cursed himself after the fact for making himself too obvious. He wasn't necessarily sure what happened to the photo after that. He supposed it was forgotten, although Al suggested for Ed to frame it later and Edward snorted and waved the suggestion away, then he caught Roy’s eye and gave a soft smile before making his way over to the table with food on it.

As the night settled down, everyone pitched in their part to clean up the office and bid their farewells. Roy invited the boys to his house, inviting them to see his personal library as a parting gift. And upon seeing it, Alphonse and Edward were blown away and truly amazed at the magnitude of this personal library. Some of the books contained were even unavailable in the military library. The brothers quickly dived into their own personal heaven, and Roy couldn’t help but lean against the door frame with his coffee and slightly smile.

The clock had just read past one-thirty a.m. that night when Roy noticed Alphonse passed out in the chair next to the fire and decided to lay a blanket over him to keep the chill at bay. Edward was in the other chair, nodding off while trying to finish the book in his hand.

“The book will be there tomorrow, you know,” Roy teased, checking the fire to see if it would die down nicely for the night.

“That’s what you think,” Ed retorted with a yawn. “Who knows, with you hiding a collection like this, this damn book might just sprout legs and walk away.”

“A chimera book, you say?” Roy sounded amused. “Careful, the military might take that and use it.”

“If they do, ya better damn well make sure my name is penned on the final idea.”

Ed stood, yawned and stretched, and Roy’s eyes couldn’t help but skip down to the tan skin peeking between his shirt and pants, as it had loosened up since the night settled in.

“I have a spare bedroom that you and your brother are more than welcome to stay in tonight. It’s quite late, and although I’m sure I could call a military pool to come get you two, I think your brother may not quite like the idea. The room is on this floor anyway, and the bed is big enough for the both of you.”

Edward looked at Roy then at his baby brother, sleeping peacefully, and he nodded with a sigh. “Yeah, that might be the best idea. Al loves his sleep, and he breathes fire at anyone who interrupts it.” He gently roused Al, telling him to get up to move down the hall, and Roy could have sworn the younger brother had knives for teeth upon getting woken up. Nevertheless, he grabbed the blanket and drug it behind him, groggily waltzing himself down the hall to the door Edward pointed at, and a satisfied ‘thwoomp’ was heard as he made it onto the bed.

Instead of following, Ed went right back to the chair with his book, and Roy clicked his tongue against his teeth. Ed shot him a dirty look. “Hey, you woke me up, I got a second wind.”

“Tell me, Ed, in what other ways do you get a second wind?”

If a mind could take a photograph, Roy would have then, because nothing was as grand as the shade of red Edward’s face was.

“The fuck does that mean you perverted bastard?”

Roy held up his hands, feigning innocence. “Believe me, dear Fullmetal, I am not pushing perverted thoughts onto you. I was merely suggesting, say, taking a break in the middle of a run, or pausing in writing a report.”

“I’m not Fullmetal,” Ed clipped back, “that’s why you held that party, or did you forget in your old age?”

“What a way to speak to the host of that party who offered you his home,” Roy deadpanned. “Forgive me, _Edward_ , if you would so kindly.” He said his name low and slow, on purpose, to see if it struck.

Edward turned even more red, if that was possible, and then he snapped his book shut. “You know what? I’m suddenly tired now. Thank you and goodnight.” He stood quickly and went to leave the room, only to have it blocked by Roy’s arm.

“C’mon, ya bastard, lemme out.”

“I was thinking,” Roy started, turning to the shelf and skimming along a row of books, “you were almost done with that book, and there is another one that comes after. If you like, you may borrow it.” He turned and handed the book over, which Ed accepted with a wary look in his eyes, as if questioning Roy’s motive. Roy shrugged, “When I get caught in research, and I have to stop, I at least want to be able to finish the series. That’s the second book, and I can give you the third later, if you would like.”

“Um, yeah, th-thanks…” Edward mumbled, slightly flushed, though if you would have asked him, he would have said it was from the alcohol and fireplace.

“Not a problem. Just return it, eventually.” Roy moved out of the way, then continued. “I’m sure if a train came through, your brother wouldn’t notice, but for your concern, there’s a trunk in there with some spare clothes of mine. I don’t typically wear those, so don’t let it weird you out, but they’re there if you would like to wear them.” Roy bent down to get the fire out. “Sleep well, Edward.”

Roy remembers as clear as day, when he stood up and turned and saw Edward staring at him. That _face_ he was making; mouth slightly open, eyes bigger than normal with furrowed brows, cheeks flushed, and his hand slightly trembling with the book he was holding. That look could’ve said ‘I don’t feel well,’ but Roy knew from experience that the look _actually_ meant ‘I’m expressing interest and I’m embarrassed by it and also don’t know how to go from here.’

And if Roy hadn’t felt something towards Ed before, he definitely did now. And it made his veins burn to see that face Edward was making, and he couldn’t help but briefly toy with the idea of seeing that look against his navy-blue sheets.

“Edward?” Roy said concerned. “Are you alright,” and he continued as he moved closer, “you look slightly unwell—"

Edward immediately shook his head and talked one hundred miles a minute. “NoI’mfineI’mjusttiredthanksforlettingusstaythenight!” With that, Edward zoomed to the room with his brother in it and shut the door.

So, what image kept Roy from sleeping at this time in the present? The thought of that flushed face against his navy-blue sheets. _This is probably the fourth time I’ve written about this_ , Roy mused, _and it doesn’t seem to make it go away, now does it._

He took the pen off his paper, cracked his knuckles, sent down the last bit of his whiskey, and turned his lamp off. He stood and grimaced at the cracking from his spine, then made his way up the stairs to his room. After brushing his teeth, he flopped onto his navy-blue bed and switched his lamp off, committing himself to stare at the ceiling until sleep caught him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going to go pass out.
> 
> Send a Kudos or a comment if you liked it, it feeds my heart :^)


	3. Just Shower Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gloves remained on him most of the time, and in his deepest fantasies he wondered what that ignition cloth would feel like against his skin, his tongue. Would it be rough and like that of sandpaper, just like he thought it to be? Would he feed Ed’s desires and touch his bare skin with covered hands, even in his most intimate of places? His body shivered, imagining Mustang asking, no, commanding him, to remove his gloves with his own teeth, before placing fingers in Ed’s mouth while the bastard explained in detail how he exactly planned to ravage his body and have him quaking before the night was through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to AwesomeAud for noticing my blunder on history accuracy with photo developing in the last chapter. It's been a long time since I've watched the anime and I kind of forgot that instant cameras didn't make much sense lmao.
> 
> This chapter includes some one-person smut, some good ol' masturbation. Enjoy my friends.

“…And that’s basically how that theory goes. Whatdya think of that, Alphonse?”

Edward’s question was met with a half-hearted snore, and he huffed. He couldn’t blame his brother for being tired, with being on the train so long and it currently being night time. He was mostly annoyed that he would have to repeat all of this in the morning, since Al hadn’t been listening.

He felt a little relief, however, and sat up gently, shuffling quietly through his bag for some loose papers and a pen. In emergency situations where Edward forgot his journal, such as this, he made sure to keep loose papers folded neatly in his bag, just in case he really needed to get something out. Ever so quietly, he shifted the curtain out of the way of the window on the train car.

Back during their normal travels, Edward couldn’t be bothered to get a sleeper car. It was a waste of money, in his opinion, since only one of them actually slept. Now that Alphonse was back in his normal body, Ed didn’t dare deny his brother of basic needs such as sleep, food, and drink. Despite the basic and genuine uncomfortable feeling of sleeper car beds, Al couldn’t be bothered, and found it nice that he _could_ sleep the night away. So, Edward always made it a point to get a sleeper car for travels that were long, such as these.

He tucked some hair behind his ear and began scrawling on his paper, using another book for a flat surface so it didn’t look too awfully terrible, and thankful for the full moon, stars, and clear sky to give him adequate lighting. It was a shame, really, that Al had fell asleep during Ed’s rant. Now Ed was going to have to make sure to include every detail, in case there is some instance where he can’t verbally explain the theory and Al would have to read it himself. Edward wasn’t sure what instance that would have to be—maybe the train car would catch on fire and he would forget all about telling him—or maybe he would just forget in general. He seemed to be doing that more often.

 _Can’t really be helped,_ Ed thought to himself, _not when he keeps crossing my mind_.

And in an instant, Ed cursed himself for derailing his own damn journaling process, and he proceeded to stare out the window.

Growing up, even as a young child, Edward was never shy. He may have kept to himself, but it wasn’t for fear of being ridiculed or making friends. He just preferred his own space and company, sans that of Al’s and occasionally Winry’s. Ed never found himself too nervous or easily embarrassed, rarely tongue-tied or unsure of himself, and thus not many occasions left him unsettled or unconfident. Except for this train ride back into Central.

Ever since that party the old crew threw him (and honestly, even _way_ before that), Ed’s thoughts and perceptions of the good old Colonel Bastard was changing. Edward didn’t know when it happened, or why, or where it came from, but as he had gotten older, the feelings got stronger, more magnetic, and more likely to plague his thoughts. Most of the time, it was from dreams, waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, thanking whatever gods that may have existed that Al actually _slept_ now, as he would tiptoe to the bathroom to clean up a sticky mess he didn’t ask for. Those nights were more frequent when he was a few years younger (he grimaced, because that’s when Al hadn’t slept, and he didn’t even want to think about that), but it still happened occasionally. On worse nights, Ed wouldn’t even be able to make it to sleep without taking himself in his hand with thoughts of his ex-superior officer in his head. Other instances would be even more random, when he would be walking through some area with his brother and see something that reminded him of Mustang, and then his stomach would flip flop. And being the teenager he was, it somehow always ended up in a less than innocent mindset, and the only relief he could find in public would be basically waterboarding himself in the public washroom with cold water.

Ed gave up without much restraint on writing more on his theory and tucked that page away to get out a new, crisp one, and put his pen to its new task.

He hadn’t expected Roy—hold on, _Mustang_ —to offer a party to send him off. It felt out of character, but Ed agreed, because hell, he wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth. And the bastard’s face was hilarious, almost as if he didn’t even realize what he said when he said it.

The night wasn’t at all awkward like he had expected, and truthfully, he had a grand time. It was relaxing and refreshing to spend time with the team on non-working hours. And holy hell, if he had it bad for Mustang before, he had it worse seeing that man without his uniform jacket and his sleeves rolled up. He remembered seeing him in that state before, back when they made a mess out of the grounds during the battle he insisted on having with the man for his re-certification, but he didn’t feel then what he felt now: an overwhelming desire to get Mustang out of that shirt with his own fingers.

He kept it together most of the night, and tried to be prickly when Al asked for that damn photo, but he let his face fall, just once, and that was the end of it, because the look his ex-C.O. was giving him gave him so many feelings that he just had to shut them in a box to sort with later. Edward didn’t think it quite fair for such a smug, politically eloquent yet sociably-inept idiot to be as attractive and handsome as he was. And Ed couldn’t turn around and say _Hey, I’m really into you and will combust on the spot if you put your arm around me like that_ , so he had to stand there and internally suffer. Whatever look the bastard gave him, Edward couldn’t chalk it up to imagination, because the damn idiot kept the same expression and it showed clearly after the photo developed (Alphonse teased him _forever_ about that).

But it wasn’t just his looks, Edward considered. It was a bunch of things about the man that left him feeling like he was walking on water and shaky ground all at the same time. It was his _everything_ —his dedication to his team, his cause, his ideal future. The care he showed in the things that he _did_ care about. His laugh, his genuine character that he saw rarely when the mask would slide slightly, even just his voice as it was could send shivers up Ed’s spine. His stupid smirk that Ed used to want to wipe off with the back of his hand was now replaced with the idea of getting it off of him with his own mouth. He wondered about his black hair, as it appeared ever so soft, like the fur of a sleek black cat. And he wondered about his skin, pale and alabaster, and if it was smooth or scarred from battle. He hadn’t personally seen much of him aside from the scar on the back of his hand, and that in itself was enough to get his blood boiling. It was _hot_ , in some odd way, to know Mustang scarred himself in order to keep on the good fight, and something about alchemy always got Edward hot anyway (though he wouldn’t ever admit it).

Edward had been surprised when he and his brother were invited back to the Colonel’s personal space, and even more caught off guard at the expanse of his personal library. And the fact that Mustang was a good enough host to cover up Al with that blanket when he fell asleep and topped it off by letting Ed borrow the book he needed in order to continue the series of his research. The man was actually showing kindness in a way that was not needed, and though it was probably nothing serious and not worth noting, it made Ed’s heart flutter just a little bit knowing that the man was showing that side of him towards _him_ of all people.

What made his mouth go bone-dry was seeing Mustang stoop down to get the fire out. It gave Ed a chance to really admire how he looked by firelight, and it casted beautiful highlights and shadows across the high and low points of his face. Edward could feel his heart thumping wildly in his chest, almost as if it would burst through his sternum and jump into the damn fire to roast. Or be cradled by the bastard. Either option was fine, really. What’s more is that he had seen more of that mask slide while the man settled down the fire, either because he was comfortable or didn’t care to keep the mask on that late in the night. Edward could see something in those eyes but couldn’t place what exactly—he’d like to assume it was longing, wanting a companion, but in all reality, it was probably just overall sadness. He didn’t know even half of what the man had been through in his own right, and Ed was sure he had to do a lot of different things to cope.

Then he got caught staring, tripped over his words like a bumbling idiot, and sped off into the room he and Al were sharing for the night to melt in a puddle of his own embarrassment.

Ed was happy to find that there was a small bathroom to accompany the spare bedroom. A small stand-up shower, a sink with _some_ counter space, and a toilet with a plush rug in front of it was more than enough for him. He spotted some fluffy towels on the back of the toilet and took it upon himself to accept a warm shower. If the bastard offered his own clothes to him, it shouldn’t be that much of an issue to let him use the shower too.

He decided to let the water warm up to his liking, and he passed the time by letting his hair down to give it a half-ass finger comb before washing it. It was starting to creep past his pecks now, and other than a routine trim (insisted on by Winry), he didn’t dare cut it off. It was too much of him, he thought, and he just couldn’t imagine himself with short hair at this point. Edward was never the one to be egotistical about his looks, but he couldn’t deny his hair. It was soft, shiny, and a wonderful honey-gold color that caught the sun rays and moonlight equally well.

The one thing about his looks that he liked was easily overridden by all the things he _disliked_ ; his auto-mail leg and the stump associated with it, the bolts still in his shoulder after the Promised Day, the scar tissue and skin discoloration of his arm that was present, all the other scars that littered his body. Edward might have been confident about himself on a social avenue, but when it came right down to it, he knew his body was far from adequate in a sense of being attractive. He thought of it as just fact. His brother was essentially flawless, and while he could never dislike his brother for something like that, Ed also wasn’t oblivious to the looks Al received sometimes from lookers when they were out and about. Edward didn’t even want that attention, after all.

As he began undressing, he admitted to himself that he _did_ want that attention from _someone_. In all reality, it just bogged him down, because he knew the Colonel was _light-years_ out of his league. And was his ex-superior officer with a nice age gap, to boot. Not only that, but Ed doubt the man would muddle up his own career by hopping in the sack with him. Even if fraternization wouldn’t be an issue at this point, the rumors that would start buzzing would be enough to get him out of line for the Fuhrership.

His negative thoughts started to dissipate under the hot water relaxing his tired body and muscles, and the ache from sitting upright reading a book for so damn long. He appreciated the gentle kisses of the spray of water, enjoying the massage on his scalp, and Ed hummed contently. He started cascading his fingers through his locks, making sure it was sufficiently wet, and set about washing it with whatever he deemed suitable enough in the spare shower.

He halfway mused if the bath products were bought by Mustang just to have in the shower, or were they bought based on his own likes? As Ed toyed with the idea that maybe the shampoo and conditioner was something Mustang would use himself, he got caught up in the haze of the smell and couldn’t help thinking that he was going to smell like him after this, which gave him a whirlwind of heart palpitations and blood rushing south. The smell was icy—eucalyptus, mint, and was invigorating and enticing. After rinsing, he found the body wash matched the scent, and began lathering himself up.

Edward wasn’t oblivious to his own anatomy and, deciding that he wasn’t in much of a rush, he went about indulging himself. He ran his soapy hands down his arms slowly, massaging the skin, and then ran them across his chest, rubbing at his nipples and sighing at the small sparks of pleasure. Between the scent of the products and knowing he was using Mustang’s things in Mustang’s home and touching himself _to Mustang_ when the man could just waltz in for whatever reason because _hey, it’s his own damn_ home set his nerves on fire and sent goosebumps along the way. As he ran his hands down his tone abdomen, he teasingly dipped his hands between his legs, rubbing where his hips and thighs met, and he couldn’t help but let a small, low sound fall from his lips. He continued down strong thighs to his feet, washing the day away, and then finally trailed his fingers back up to his cock.

Ed hadn’t been one to compare himself (because really, when had he ever seen someone else’s dick?), but he’d like to hope his size was adequate on its own. He could just barely wrap his hand around it at the thickest point, and still had a good inch and a half that his hand didn’t cover. He swept his fingers through golden curls to his sack, rolling it gently in his palm while his fingers of his dominant hand danced lightly in feather-like touches across his hot flesh. He traced imaginary lines on his cock, up to the head that started to leak clear fluid, and he used that fluid to rub expanding circles along his head to his foreskin, before firmly grasping himself and setting a decent pace. Ed braced himself against the wall of the shower and spread his legs open slightly, leaning his head back and closing his eyes, using the scent of the bath products to aid his imagination.

Edward had always wondered about, and coined a bit of a fascination for, the Colonel’s hands. The gloves remained on him most of the time, and in his deepest fantasies he wondered what that ignition cloth would feel like against his skin, his _tongue_. Would it be rough and like that of sandpaper, just like he thought it to be? Would he feed Ed’s desires and touch his bare skin with covered hands, even in his most intimate of places? His body shivered, imagining Mustang asking, no, _commanding_ him, to remove his gloves with his own teeth, before placing fingers in Ed’s mouth while the bastard explained in detail how he exactly planned to ravage his body and have him quaking before the night was through.

He sped his hand up faster, encouraged by the steam and how dirty the whole scenario was. He was in the bastard’s home of all places, and if he made a sound loud enough, he might hear it and come see what the fuss is about. That thought embarrassed Edward and enticed him even more all the same, imagining how the Colonel would respond if he did come in the bathroom. Would he stand there and watch? Maybe he would drag him out of the shower to his own bedroom. Ed’s hopeful idea would be that the Colonel would come closer and tell him to drop down to his knees, and _god_ Ed would do it in a heartbeat. He was beyond gone for the man, and with every instance that he ever disobeyed his orders in the work space, he would listen to him twice over in the bedroom, given the chance.

Ed’s bottom lip found its way between his teeth, biting enough to leave it red and swollen, just like it would be if Mustang kissed his breath away. Or if he was really on his knees in front of him, lips stretched around Mustang’s shaft, the speed of his movements being dictated by the man fisting his hand in his golden tresses. And he’d let the man do it, too. Control him all he wanted, until he had his fill, until he decided to paint Ed’s face with his pleasure, leaving stripes to decorate his mouth and cheeks.

A steam of curses slipped low from Ed’s mouth as he came, his knees buckling and eyes lolling back as his orgasm set in. His breath came shuddered as his hips stuttered, his ex-superior officer’s name slipping quietly between red lips. The water had started to cool, bringing him down from his high a little quicker than he would’ve liked, and he decided then to get out of the shower and dry off.

As luck would have it, Ed found an unopened toothbrush and some toothpaste behind the mirror in the medicine cabinet, and he wrapped a towel around his waist and wrung out his hair before brushing his teeth. He quietly made his way towards the trunk Mustang had mentioned, fishing out some clothes and getting warm in the face at the thought of wearing them, and if he hadn’t already had it out in the shower he probably would have done so then. The clothes smelled like the trunk, not so much Mustang, but still a nice wood smell all the same, and he let sleep take him as his head hit the pillow.

Edward clicked his pen and rubbed his eyes, yawning quietly. His body was too tired, ached too much from sitting on a train to respond to any mental wanting, and he willed his body to stop getting uppity from just recalling something that had happened a few months ago. They would be in Central by morning, which meant he needed to actually rest so he wouldn’t be a fucking wreck trying to return that blasted book. He wasn’t sure if he was coming in on Roy’s off day on purpose or not (he had called ahead, and Hawkeye had informed him of such), but if so, that meant he’d be going to his house, probably by himself since Alphonse was wanting to see Elysia and Gracia first, and that was enough to rattle his bones.

Ed slipped his belongings back in his bag and laid down, getting himself as comfy as humanly possible (how did Alphonse even _sleep_ on this?), and used his passing trees and stars to lull him to sleep.

***

Winry flopped on her bed with a satisfying sigh, wrapped in her favorite robe, her honeydew hair splaying out like an angel gifted halo. She decided to finally use some of the lavender oil she picked up in town a while ago and it made her bath absolutely divine.

She moved her head and eyed that worn out journal she had found just yesterday, and she rolled herself to grab it off her nightstand. Winry had to admit, the read was a tad disappointing. _I really don’t know what I was expecting, but I wanted at least_ some _kind of gossip or blackmail, just for fun_. She had a couple pages left, but as she flipped through to get to her last spot, she started noticing some pages had more space between them than others.

She furrowed her brows and studied them closer, looking back and forth between sets of pages, flipping them and returning to a new spot.

“Parts are pulled out…” Winry whispered to herself. Upon looking closer, there were spots where the rip hadn’t been as clean, leaving bits of paper from the page that was removed from it behind. This ignited her curiosity even more, and she tried to read the pages before and after a section that had been removed, but Ed must have been smart about it, because nothing led onto or from a different topic. That left her to believe it wasn’t accidental at all, but completely deliberate, as if on the off chance that someone _did_ find it, they wouldn’t read something they weren’t supposed to.

Winry huffed irritably, fanning the pages, feeling the front and back cover, and she noticed something odd—the back cover was significantly softer, thicker, than the front. Upon first sight, it wasn’t noticeable, but as she turned the book this way and that, it was evident that something was up. She looked at the seam of the back cover and noticed that there was a hole from de-threading. She held it to a lamp and, lo and behold, saw paper when she squinted into the space the loose thread made.

She about flew across her room to a sewing kit she kept on her desk, and she dug for a thread cutter. _Damn it all, I’ll sew it back together myself_ she affirmed as she tore the thread between the two pieces of cheap leather. When she made the space adequate enough for her hand, she was finally able to pull papers through, and it was about ten to twenty sheets, all of them neatly folded to take up the least amount of space as possible.

Winry let out a breath that she wasn’t aware that she was holding, and slowly unfolded the pages. She wasn’t bothering with reading them just yet—she was more concerned about getting them all in order, arranging them by the dates. She aligned them neatly, hands shaking from the adrenaline of finding out his secret, and sat down at her desk, turning on the lamp there, and dove into what she had discovered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :^)
> 
> Next chapter will be a doozy. I think this will be a total of 5 or 6 chapters for this story. We'll see how it goes.
> 
> Kudos and comments feed my lifeforce.


	4. Say Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There stood the devil, Edward Elric himself, dressed like a casual wet dream in flattering, form fitting clothes. Devil he may be, he smiled like an angel, and shook his bag.  
> “G’morning, bastard. I wanna switch out that book. You gonna invite me in, or nah?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I drank a red bull slush from Sonic and ended up churning this out.
> 
> Chapter title was inspired by the song of the same name by Justin Timberlake & Chris Stapleton.
> 
> Warning: foul language, implied sexual manipulation, some homophobia and a sprinkle of angst

The first couple of loose pages that Winry had read through were nothing short of giggle worthy—they were just full of Edward sorting through feelings, how to handle discovering himself, and determining how to deal with his teenage anatomy and hormone spikes. She decided that this was better than any sort of science book on the matter, this was _gold_. Nothing to pick on him about, but still interesting to see how puberty affected a boy so much more differently than a girl. She remembered discovering her body and how it felt good all the time, and learning that when she touched _there_ , it made sparks shoot up her spine, and Winry was getting to read all about Ed’s thoughts on the matter.

As she read on, she noticed how eloquently he wrote. He was detailed, expressive in his writing, _much like he is in life_ she concluded. He wrote small, like he wanted to fit as much of that story onto the page as possible. And it was impossibly neat, like every stroke of his pen was deliberate, precise, and like he had all the time in the world.

By the fifth page, Winry noticed something amiss in how he described his attraction towards other people. Namely the details he would point out, or the adjectives he would use. She supposed that you could describe a woman as strong (hell, she was), having a presence, exuding pressure, imagining them having a big—

The sixth page was in so much grand detail that she had to haul off to the bathroom and empty her stomach contents into the toilet.

She sat there, gripping the bowl, face pale with cold sweat, as she ran through in her head what she just read; Edward wanting another man’s genitals on his body, in his face, in his mouth—her train of thought stopped as she heaved again.

Winry never gave much thought on the matter, of people liking… _that._ The _same gender_. She had _maybe_ seen two women holding hands together walking down the street or had _possibly_ seen a man kiss another on the cheek, but it never was too halting in her activities to really leave much of an impact. But this, _this_ , this detailed description of Edward wanting a _man_ in the way that he _should_ want a woman. And the recalled date at the top reminded her that he was fifteen or sixteen at the time; this told Winry that _maybe_ he was just confused! That had to be it!

She washed her face and hands, got a glass of water, and returned to her post.

And she deduced, with a grimace on her face as she read on, that Ed wasn’t unsure about his attraction to the same anatomy as himself. The possibility of him being confused was an absolute zero.

Winry rolled her neck and got a satisfying pop, then sat her head in her hands and began to think, really think, about what all this meant and what the hell it had to do with her. There was always some part, deep down she believed, that wanted her and Edward to be together. It was that cheesy shit you read in romance novels, where two people grow up together, live there lives their way, and in the end always find themselves together again, growing old and achieving goals with their partner by their side. She had to admit, there were many hot nights where he had been a placeholder in her thoughts, and she indulged herself in her teenage fantasies. Her realism had kicked in a tad as she had gotten older, but some part wanted to hold onto, _believe_ , that it was supposed to be Edward and her. It just made sense in the schematics and details. She was always there for him, and he cared about her (she supposed), but she didn’t know the extent of his care.

She drummed her fingers on the desk, rubbing her eyes, sorting through memories to determine if any of the affection he had showed her had ever been more than familial. And other than the time he hid out in her room unbeknownst to her, and he had witnessed her changing on accident, there were no other times where Edward had even remotely showed any romantic interest towards her. That incident wasn’t even romantic to start with, just embarrassing for the both of them.

Some part of her felt a little bit of relief and simultaneously sad and guilty. On one hand, she didn’t have to keep wondering about his feelings towards her, or if there was anything that would develop between them; on the other, she felt kind of shitty for digging into his journal, and also sad that it wouldn’t be her, _couldn’t_ be her. Winry rubbed her temples, not wanting to read anything that risqué (and _detailed_ ) again and decided that whatever it was Edward wanted (or wanted to be) would be enough for her, as long as he could be open and honest with her eventually. She loved him, in some sense or another, and she would still be there for him if he let her.

And that thought process, all the understanding and filing away, came to a screeching halt when she glanced to the side at a paper a few sheets after the one she was reading, and read a name that made her look twice.

 _Mustang_.

She blinked slowly and breathed deeply.

Winry was glad that Granny slept like she was dead to the world, because she let out the most blood curdling wail into her hands at the realization of putting two and two together, and upon realizing that Edward wanted to do those things with that man, or those things would be done to _him_ by that man’s hands.

She started reading through the pages in a fury, because _fuck it all_ , _that man was twice his age and_ had _to have done something to mess with Ed_. It made _sense_. He had the power, the upper hand, the information and details, the _authority_ ; whatever he wanted Edward to do, he could _get_ , simply because Ed had been young, unassuming, and just wanted to do right by his brother. His sweet, equally as innocent baby brother. And Ed couldn’t say no, couldn’t turn down anything to the man because of his situation, and even if he ratted the man out, no one would have believed him. That bastard of a man had people against him, but twice as many for him. She was sure of it.

She was sure of it all.

As her thoughts began to twist, her stomach began to curdle, reading through _more_ detailed scenarios and at this point, she couldn’t tell if they were fantasies of his or him recalling instances, and she wasn’t sure which would have been worse to her. Because how the dates read, he was _underage_ , and who the fuck cares if he was roped into the military when he was twelve, he still by law could not consent to anything until he was eighteen. This all spurred her theory that she was making: Edward had been manipulated, sexually and psychologically, and he had developed what he thought was feelings for the man but were actually misplaced due to circumstance. Surely couldn’t be authentic, _how_ could they be real feelings? Edward had traveled the world, seen it _all_ , but dabbled little in the relationship spectrum of life; she had already guessed that, and his earlier writings confirmed it. So, how in the hell could he be so damn sure about it all?

He couldn’t be, she concluded. And that was that.

Winry leaned back in her chair and chucked something across her room, feeling furious. She figured out quickly that it wasn’t jealously, it was _rage_ , the mere thought that someone had manipulated and twisted Ed into thinking he _wanted_ those things. And it wasn’t even the fact of him wanting those things anymore—it was that she was _so sure_ that evil man coerced, blackmailed, silenced him into _obeying_ him in such a demeaning, grotesque way. Some of those pages…they included mentions of gagging, being bound, and Winry just couldn’t even _grasp_ how someone would want that on their own accord. It didn’t sound healthy, it didn’t match up with anything she had heard about relationships in the world around her, and it caused bile to rise in her throat.

However, she couldn’t deny the small twinge in her chest, the tears that welled up slightly in her sky-blue eyes, when she read Edward’s writings of how he _loved_ this sinister man.

Winry turned her lamp off and stomped over to her bed, turning the lamp off there too, and flopped down face first, screaming into her pillow.

She would be giving a particular man a call tomorrow.

She would sound unassuming, gentle, merely asking for how to handle her discovering of Ed’s journal and the details within, and once she had him hooked, she would let him have it. And that man was going to wish for a hole to open up beneath him and swallow him whole.

Winry was going to _tear him apart_.

***

When Edward finally stepped onto the platform in front of the train that next morning, he heaved the most relieved sigh to not be in that tight of a space anymore.

And he was envious of his brother’s almost constant good attitude—nothing fazed the guy. He was sunshine and sparkles and rainbows all the time. _Must be the sugar he’s tasting in all those apple pies_ , Ed thought to himself with a chuckle. Or simply, it was just the joy Al took in the fact that he was alive and _breathing_. If anyone had a sense of not taking anything for granted, it would be none other than Alphonse.

They grabbed a couple baked goods and then flagged a car, heading to their hotel. Gracia had always said they could stay with them, but Edward was never one to impose, and it gave him a little anxiety knowing he didn’t have space to himself to return to if needed be.

He let Alphonse have the shower first, knowing how much he wanted to go see Elysia, his “sister from another mister” as he liked to put it, and he took the time to unpack his few belongings and make himself a cup of tea (bless this hotel for offering complimentary tea bags and disposable cups), sitting down to rub his face in his hands and wondering how he was going to go about taking that book back to the Colonel’s house.

Ed let his mind drift as he nursed his cup, letting its warmth calm his hands and the smell ease his thought process. He halfway toyed with the idea of leaving the book in his mailbox, but then he’d feel more embarrassed if the man opened the door and called him out on it. Surely returning the book wouldn’t be that daunting in the real scheme of things. Mustang would just open the door, accept his book, tell him thanks and that would be all. Although, he had mentioned that third book that he would let Ed borrow. Would he run to go get it? _No_ , Ed decided confidently, _he prides himself on being too gracious of a host to leave me on his doorstep_. _He’d invite me in at the very least, maybe even take me back to his library and chat while he looked for the book. I would probably get caught up looking at another set of books and he’d come up behind me, telling me he found the one I needed. I would turn around and see him so close to me, and he could just press me right up against the bookcase and let me taste his morning coffee on his tongue._

“Having a good daydream, brother?”

Ed shot up a foot out of his chair and spilled his tea in his lap, causing him to curse at being caught in the middle of indecent thoughts and by having almost burning liquid on himself.

“Could you, I don’t know, _not_ do that Al?” Ed said through gritted teeth, grabbing paper towels to dry off his pants. He was going to change in a bit anyway after he showered, but he couldn’t stand the wet feeling as it was.

Al snorted. “I called your name twice, brother. Once from the bathroom to let you know I would be out in a minute, and another time when I was standing right in the doorway as I was putting my shoes on. By the look on your face, I would guess you had some great ideas going through your head. Care to share?”

Edward’s beet red face was the only response he got.

Alphonse continued with an all-knowing grin. “I’m heading out to Gracia’s now. I’ll let her know that you’ll stop by later, because I _know_ you will, of course. Just call before you head over; Gracia mentioned she wanted to cook lunch for the both of us today.” He opened the door to the room to head into the hall, and he turned and winked at his brother. “Have a good day, Ed!”, he said with a wave, and out the door he went.

 _Curse that little shit and being too damn perceptive. Why does he have to be so much like me?_ Ed thought to himself, throwing the wet paper towels away and heading to the bathroom. He took a brisk shower, not wanting to spend too much time thinking about anything in particular, and he got himself ready. Shaving the blond fuzz away, he applied that after shave Al had bought him—he didn’t really know if it did anything for him, but it smelled like a forest-hidden river, so he liked it anyway. He opted for slim-fitting, dark-brown slacks with a cream-colored button up, passing up his long brown coat in favor of rolling his sleeves to his elbows and wearing a vest to match his pants. He unbuttoned the top of his shirt just slightly, finding it was the exact look he was going for, and he threw his hair up into his signature ponytail. He finished getting ready, made sure Mustang’s book was in his shoulder bag, and out the hotel room door he went. Swinging the key around his finger, he opted to walk as opposed to getting a car. It was nice out, the walk wasn’t that long, and it would give him ample time to clear his head.

***

Roy had barely just gotten his wits about him with a cup of coffee and oatmeal for breakfast when he heard his phone ring. Half-past eight on an off day, when his lieutenant had _specifically_ said there would be no reason to call him in, was too damn early for a phone call. He thought about waiting it out, but quickly aborted that plan and groaned, getting up from the table to answer the loud, offending object.

“Mustang speaking.” He answered gruffly.

“Hello, Colonel, sir. I hope I’m not calling too early. I phoned the office, but Ms. Riza said that you were at home today.”

“Ms. Rockbell?” Now _this_ was surprising. Very rarely did the mechanic get in touch with him. He quickly changed his tone to be more pleasant. “No need to concern yourself with me in that regard. I have been up and moving for some time now. To what do I owe the pleasure of having you call me this morning?”

“Well…” Winry trailed off, twisting the cord of the phone around her finger, hoping she was sounding as coy as she was appearing to be in person, “It’s about Ed.”

Roy furrowed his brows together. “Is there something wrong with Edward? Ms. Rockbell, I’m sorry to say, but I have not heard from him in a couple weeks now, and I’m not aware of his whereabouts.”

 _Of course you’re not_ , Winry thought to herself with an eyeroll. “No, no! Nothing of that sort, sir! I’m sorry to have given that impression. It doesn’t have to do with what he’s doing right now, it’s just…” she trailed off again, hoping the man would try to pry her open and get invested in what she was doing.

And she wasn’t disappointed. “It’s just what, Ms. Rockbell? Please do not be afraid to share your concerns with me. I understand that perhaps our relationship is not on the best of terms—I completely agree with whatever reservations you and your dear grandmother may have of me from suggesting the military to Edward all those years ago. But please know that, in his regard, I’m willing to do whatever it is in my power to help you.”

She bit her lip, partially to keep herself from spilling her anger. _How dare he act like he has his best interest._ “It’s just…I may have let my curiosity get the best of me. I found Ed’s journal when I was cleaning house a couple days ago, and I took a peek in it, and something I read bothered me.” She frowned and continued. “I thought about talking about it with Granny but…I needed a different viewpoint on the matter. My Granny knows a lot, but I needed a man’s perspective.”

That last bit about a man’s perspective got Roy’s gears turning, and he had to say, he was without a doubt confused, even more so about why she was divulging the part of essentially breaking the eldest Elric’s trust by going through his journal. “Well, Ms. Rockbell, I’m not sure how I can be of assistance, but if it is causing you concern, I will do my best.”

"I don't really understand it, is all." Winry mumbled into the phone, then her tone got serious. "Seriously, and be honest with me, Mustang, what perverse bullshit did you subject Ed to? Because that's the only logical explanation I can come up with for this."

Roy sat there, dumbfounded and speechless (which was a rarity), and didn't have much sense in himself to cut the tension over the line.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Rockbell, could you repeat all that?"

Winry scoffed. “Are you _really_ going to play dumb with me right now?” She clicked her tongue against her teeth. “Fine, we’ll do this my way.”

“I really don’t understa—”

“If you could not interrupt me, that would be great,” she hissed, venom sliding from her tongue. “There were pages upon pages detailing all the shit you’ve done to him, or convinced him he wanted done to him, or _whatever_. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass at this point over Ed being gay,” the statement still felt funny saying it aloud, “but the fact that you took advantage of him is downright shameful and heinous.”

Roy opened his mouth but didn’t get anywhere since she cut him off. “It’s all detailed on paper. All the things that he wants you to do to him. I can’t even begin to imagine how he came up with all of it on his own, so the only logical explanation here is that you coerced him when he was young, you sick asshole!” Her voice was raising in volume, and she was sure Granny could hear her from the shop, but she didn’t care at this point. “The gagging, the binding, the asphyxiation, the complete and utter disgust I got from reading those scenarios…Who in the _hell_ do you think you are?! Getting off on controlling a young boy who looked to you for protection, for _guidance_ , for anything other than what you gave him!” She was practically seething, letting it all loose on this pathetic excuse for a man. “You’re _sick_ , Mustang. Sick in the head. The things you made him do, the things you convinced him to like, and the sad part of it all is that he _thinks_ he loves you! It breaks my heart!” By the time she had finished emptying her anger, she started sobbing into the phone, hiding her mouth in her hand to stifle the sound.

A fly could have flown in Roy’s mouth and back out and he wouldn’t have noticed. He was beyond shocked, and even more surprised he was still breathing. _What in the fucking hell am I listening to? Ed has been writing what? He’s saying what? He_ wants _what? He loves me? What._ All of it was a constant mantra through his head, and his sense was telling him to _say_ _something_ to the girl, but really, what was he going to tell her?

Winry’s sobs fell quiet, and she continued speaking, her voice cracking slightly from the emotional turmoil she felt. “I’m telling you this only once. I’m considering this evidence, basically admission, of every and anything you have ever done to him—the coercion, the manipulation, _everything_. If I hear anything about you talking to Edward, even _existing_ in the same space as him, I will have you fucked for the rest of your life, and you can kiss your career goodbye.”

Roy’s mind felt like a ping pong ball between brick walls at this point. “Ms. Rockbell, I—”

“Remember.” She hissed, and she slammed the phone down on the receiver.

Winry stood against the wall, catching her breath from the adrenaline of letting all that out, and she could hear Granny calling for her about all that fuss. She dried her face and told herself to get it together so she could let Granny know about everything she had found out.

***

Roy was still processing everything, even when the phone line went dead, and it felt like someone else was moving his arm to eventually hang it up.

He numbly walked back to the table, sat down, and just put his face directly on the table top. His mind was whirring at insane speeds, his heart beating like it ran a marathon.

“I just got called a pedophile, threatened that my career was going to be ruined, and told that the man I have eyes for actually loves me, all in the span of five minutes,” he murmured, turning his head and staring at the wall. He didn’t even know where to begin with the accusations. It was all so bizarre—everything she said, the anger in her voice, the details from Edward’s alleged writing. He felt like he should be on cloud nine over the revelation, but he was still just in shock, unsure of how to process all the information. Really, what was he supposed to _do_ with all that?

Roy didn’t have much time to consider anything as he was jarred out of his thought by loud banging on his front door. _I do not have the capacity for this today_ , he thought blandly to himself. The banging was persistent, and it almost felt like the banging was happening on his skull.

He was going to bang the offender’s skull on the door, probably.

Roy whipped the door open, about to unleash hell’s fury, until he caught sight of gold hair.

There stood the devil, Edward Elric himself, dressed like a casual wet dream in flattering, form fitting clothes. Devil he may be, he smiled like an angel, and shook his bag.

“G’morning, bastard. I wanna switch out that book. You gonna invite me in, or nah?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy that you guys are enjoying reading this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it. ♥ I work at a preschool and have been stressed to the MAX getting ready for the new school year this upcoming Monday, so this is the perfect distraction to funnel my energy towards so I can go to bed exhausted and on time.
> 
> Winry should know what they say about assuming, right?
> 
> Love your beautiful faces, I have a feeling this next chapter is gonna be beefy.


	5. Show Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tell me, dear Edward, what do you think could happen in someone’s home when two people are completely alone, in a room together, standing so close to one another, with no interruptions to be had?”
> 
> “Perhaps you could show me what you have in mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had the possibility of being way longer, but I wanted to break it down some.  
> Enjoy some preliminary smut. A prelude, if you will.
> 
> Also Ed has a potty mouth.

“G’morning, bastard. I wanna switch out that book. You gonna invite me in, or nah?”

Roy blinked a couple times, because there wasn’t a damn way in _hell_ that life was going to play this big of a trick on him, was it?

The blond cocked his head to the side, eyeing the man and licking his lips, and damn it all if Roy didn’t want to kiss him on his doorstep. Ed spoke, “Uh, earth to Mustang. Are you gonna invite me in or what?”

Roy nodded and ushered him in, shutting the door behind him. “You’ll have to forgive me, Edward. I’ll have to admit, I was not expecting company today, let alone this morning, so you get the satisfaction of knowing that you surprised me.”

Ed shrugged, “I dunno, I figured you weren’t a lazy bum to stay in his pajama attire all day,” he said as he motioned towards Roy’s outfit of loose flannel pants and a white shirt.

“Ed, it’s nine a.m. That’s hardly ‘all day’. Is it so hard to fathom that I perhaps would like to enjoy a morning to myself?”

“It’s hard to fathom you wanting to do anything like the average person to be honest.”

Roy smirked and leaned against the wall, “How kind of you to suggest that I’m above average to some degree. I’d like to confirm that I am above average in other ways as well.”

Ed sputtered and turned red, “W-what the hell are yo—”

Roy shrugged and turned to walk, saving his grin until after his face was out of Ed’s sight, “No need to get worked up. Since it offends you that I am perfectly sane in my own right, and am still wearing my sleep clothes, go make yourself at home in the library and I’ll join you momentarily.” He waved Ed towards the library before heading up the stairs.

Edward wasn’t sure if the man leaving him to his own thoughts was perfectly safe or not. _Get it together, Ed_ , he thought as he rubbed his face, _the bastard just likes to mess with you_. He walked to the library and let his thoughts drift, particularly to how well the flannel pants sat on the man’s hips, and the white shirt was sinfully slim, although it did not appear to be uncomfortable. He reached down to adjust himself, not wanting Mustang to come back and notice his predicament, and he went about browsing the books.

Meanwhile, Roy was washing his face with cold water, because that young man in his house was going to be the death of him. He stared at himself in the mirror, running through the information that Ms. Rockbell had divulged to him only moments before, and he wished silently to himself that he had ample time to process all the information.

He sighed, standing up and putting his hands on the counter, racking his brain for a course of action. A part of him was so stupendously glad that his feelings were not one-sided, and that maybe there was some hope for him after all, although he still couldn’t grasp how the blond could ever see potential in a man as old as himself. More decrepit, depressed, and full of sin than the boy could ever imagine. Roy hadn’t dated anyone seriously in years due to those reasons. He could barely imagine sharing his past with a close friend, let alone a potential life partner. That, and he was terribly busy and committed to his path in life, and that wasn’t something that could be so easily swayed.

He tilted his head to the side, and thought, _maybe that’s why this_ could _work_. Edward would never ask for more than Roy could give, he knew just as well as any member on his team how dedicated he was to his career, and, as great and simultaneously awful as it was, Edward knew what it was like to be a sinner. He could guess that the blond also knew what it was like to have thoughts and nightmares, no, night _terrors_ , about the damned Gate. He might not be war-broken like Roy had been in the past, but the boy _knew_ , more than anyone should for his age, or at any point in his life when he had ended up making the kinds of mistakes or life choices that he had.

The downside to the current situation was that he couldn’t just walk downstairs, flip the boy around and kiss the daylights out of him with no explanation. Well, he _could_ , but that wasn’t how Roy liked to handle things, especially something as sensitive as this. He was essentially told a paragraph summary about Ed’s deepest, most secretive thoughts, and that wasn’t something that he could agree with nor condone. Someone’s trust was a valuable thing to have, Roy knew that for sure, but he couldn’t figure if it was his place or not to let Edward know about what Ms. Rockbell had been up to. Some part of him was saying that was a line that he shouldn’t cross, while another part of his conscious was saying that it wouldn’t be fair to Edward to _not_ tell him. After all, the only reason he truly knew the young man was actually interested was, in part, to Ms. Rockbell’s snooping into Ed’s personal life. Roy felt as if it wouldn’t be fair to make any sudden and obvious advances on him without going over what he had been told first. Withholding information wasn’t how he would want to start anything with him anyway—he respected Ed too much for that.

As he grabbed some clothes to change into, Roy decided that the current plan was to keep on how he had been. He would continue his way of flirting and teasing the blond, making his advances ever so subtle, and if Edward responded in a way that would accelerate their circumstances, he would sit him down and have a conversation over what had transpired with Ms. Rockbell this morning. Otherwise, he would keep the information to himself until he deemed it appropriate to be shared.

Roy decided on some black slacks and a powder-blue button up, rolling the sleeves to his elbows, and he crept down the stairs quietly after brushing his teeth and combing his hair. He rounded the corner of the doorway and spotted Ed standing on his tiptoes to get a book off a higher shelf, and while part of Roy wanted to make a sly comment about his height (which was null at this point, the boy was plenty tall enough), he couldn’t get his eyes off of Edward’s backside long enough to even formulate a snide remark.

“I swear, why must the bastard keep the _good_ books all the fucking way up here…”

“I would like to think all of my books are good, thank you very much.”

Edward jumped slightly and whipped around, glaring at the man, and hoping silently the glare covered any sort of admiration on his face, because the Colonel apparently seemed to look good in _anything_. “And where do you get off on startling people while they’re in the middle of something?”

Roy strolled over, opening the curtains in front of the window, “I don’t particularly understand why you assume it’s something I ‘get off’ on, but tell me, dear Edward, why would you be thinking about those things in the first place?” He turned and leaned against a chair, smirking at the younger man. “I may not be a master of etiquette, but something tells me that having indecent thoughts of someone while in that person’s house is not the politest of things to be doing.”

Edward turned the most delicious shade of red. “Fuck you, Mustang,” he quipped.

 _Gladly_. “How eloquent of you,” Roy teased, walking over to where the book was that Edward had showed up for. “Pardon my lack of manners if you will. Would you like any coffee, or tea perhaps?”

Ed eyed the man cautiously, “Nah, I didn’t plan on being here particularly too long. Al is at Gracia’s house and apparently I’m being expected for lunch eventually.”

Roy quirked a brow at him, “Eventually is an understatement. I’m not sure of anyone who has lunch by half-past nine, Ed.”

The blonde rolled his eyes, “Well maybe I was going to go somewhere else before going over there. You’re being kinda full of yourself to assume I’m just gonna hang around here, y’know.”

 _I would prefer to have you full of me_. “How kind of you to clear time in your busy schedule to pay me a visit, Ed. Which leads me to wondering how long you and your dear brother plan on sticking around this time.” Roy would be lying if he didn’t admit that he hoped Ed would be around for longer than a few days. He knew the boy could be uppity, but he was a ball of sunshine in Roy’s overcast skies, and he truly did enjoy the man’s company.

Edward shrugged, walking over to the window and looking out, “I’unno. I can tell Al has been feeling a little worn out lately from us running all over the place. We just got done with being in Liore for a little bit, and I mentioned bringing you your precious book back, so he wanted to come with and see everyone. I think if I wouldn’t have mentioned it, we just would’ve headed to Resembool.”

Roy nodded, skimming and finally picking out the book he was searching for, “I’m sure Ms. Rockbell and her grandmother would be delighted to have you two come back home for a visit.”

Ed chuckled, “I’m halfway surprised that you aren’t trying to convince me to come back to the military and be in your office.”

“Why so?”

“C’mon, Mustang, don’t be like that. Ya gotta admit the office isn’t the same without me,” Ed grinned, “Hawkeye runs a tight ship and I know I bring some life to the place.”

Roy couldn’t help but give a small smile, walking over to him with the book in hand, handing it over, “However right you may be, I recall someone saying that without a doubt, they would rather ‘keel over in an alley’ than re-enlist. I tend to listen to people when they tell me things.”

Edward was taken aback by the man agreeing with him. _Huh, the asshole misses me?_ He accepted the book from the older man’s hands, flipping it around to read over the title, and then he tucked it into his bag, “Thanks again for the books.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, setting his bag in a nearby chair, “I know I tend to be a hard-ass sometimes, but Al and I appreciate your kindness towards us.” _Wait, Ed, what the fuck are you telling this guy? His ego is going to blow the books off the wall._

Roy couldn’t stop his eyebrows from going up slightly, blinking at the blonde’s admission. _Huh, maybe we’re going to get somewhere with all this._ “And I appreciate your sentiment, truly. I was the main reason why both of you boys put your lives at risk and got into trouble, so I believe it is only fair for me to make up for it.”

“What, so you’re only _acting_ nice, not _being_ nice? Thanks asshole.”

Roy rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “No, Ed, what I’m trying to say is that, just like the rest of my team, I care about the both of you.” _I just care about you in a different way_. “If I hadn’t, I would not have offered to have that party for you or let both of you take a look at my personal collection of books or let the both of you stay the night at my house. My study area, in particular, typically stays hidden from most guests, as it holds my own personal books with code, and they detail some research I am not sure most guests should be knowing about.” Being a few feet away from the blond, he realized he could smell the same scent from when he was so close to him for that picture, and he accepted that Ed was definitely wearing some form of cologne or aftershave. Whether or not he was doing it on purpose, because he smelled _divine_ , was to remain a mystery.

Edward raised an eyebrow at him, “So is the Colonel Bastard admitting that he actually likes and cares about me? Ya better be careful, ya never know who is listening.”

Roy smirked and took a step closer, reducing the distance between them. “You know, _Edward_ , I have never said I had ever disliked you. Why are you so surprised?”

Ed was cursing himself for his inability to stop the blood rushing to his cheeks, and he took a step back, only to hit the side of the bookcase. _Oh, fuck_. “Th-that’s not what I meant. I was just saying that for someone who likes to be in such a politically good standing and wants everyone to think flowers come out his ass, you wouldn’t dare talk about your pain-in-the-ass ex-subordinate in a kind way.”

The older man took a step closer again, although a longer step this time, closing the distance once more. “One detail you seem to be lacking here, Edward, is that I don’t particular give two shits about what most people think about me, especially in regard to my personal life.” He stepped closer again, planting his left foot on the outside of Ed’s right, keeping him in his spot, “That, and nobody is in this house but you and myself. We are completely _alone_ , you know.” Roy couldn’t help himself from getting a little wicked with the boy. The blush creeping down Ed’s neck was too much to resist. “Anything could happen, and nobody would have to know except for the two people standing in this room.”

Edward’s breath caught in his throat, his knees starting to feel a little wobbly as he felt blood start shifting downward, and all he could do was pray to a god he didn’t believe in that he could run away and at the same time keep staying in this position. If this was a dream, he was going to be _so_ pissed when he woke up.

Seeing that the young man wasn’t going to bite his head off or smack him for getting too close, Roy put his left hand next to the boy’s head, keeping his body merely at arm’s length, and he leaned his head closer to the blond, voice low and slow, “Tell me, dear Edward, what do you think could happen in someone’s home when two people are completely alone, in a room together, standing so close to one another, with no interruptions to be had?”

Ed barely had enough sense in him to not let the whine escape his throat, feeling the heat from Mustang come off the man in waves, and it made his head spin. “I-I d-don’t really know…” he trailed off, then he looked Roy in the eyes, licked his lip and lifted his chin, before quirking a brow and summoning whatever bit of confidence he had in himself, “Perhaps you could show me what you have in mind.” _Or you can walk away with a laugh and I’ll be the biggest idiot in the damn world._

The boy giving open permission was all it took to break the last wall of Roy’s patience and it washed away any reservations on the matter. He leaned down and kissed Edward gently, softly, and when he went to pull back, the other fisted his hands in his shirt collar, locking eyes with him and peeking his tongue out to his lip to wet it, almost like he was trying to get a taste, before he pulled him back in for more.

The kiss started slow and melted easily, like chocolate on a warm day, turning hot and setting Roy on fire like he had just touched the sun itself. He brought a hand to Ed’s face, cupping his jaw while the other hand settled on his waist, and both of the blonde’s hands ran up his neck to the back of his head, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake as he tangled his fingers in soft black hair. Edward opened his mouth slightly, and Roy took the opportunity to sweep his tongue in, getting a little taste, and he immediately decided that he was going to crave that taste for the rest of his life. It lit up his tongue like sparklers at a festival, bright and hot, and Roy’s body moved on its own, stepping forward to press flush against Ed, pinning him gently against the bookcase.

All that was going through Ed’s mind was a constant chant of _holy shit, holy fuck, oh fucking god, this shit is happening, fuck yes._ He spread his legs apart slightly, allowing Roy to put his body front and center against his, and like a mind-reader, Roy broke the kiss to quickly slide his hands down under Edward and lift him up. Ed immediately got the idea, putting his legs around Roy’s hips and arms around his shoulders, while Roy supported him with a firm grip on his backside and bracing him against the bookcase. When Edward wrapped his legs around his waist, Roy about lost it, his mind swimming in good feelings and the heat of the other one’s body and the taste of his mouth. He kissed down to Ed’s neck, licking at the exposed skin and biting gently.

And Roy’s brain almost short circuited, because the blond tilted his head back, letting out the most sinfully decadent sound he had ever heard, and he tightened his grip with his legs before tilting his hips and _grinding_ against him, seeking friction, and Roy could feel his erection through his pants. It was hard, searing hot and _wanting_ , and Roy knew if he didn’t pause and talk to Edward now, he would regret it later, because he was losing his grip. Sadly, that was easier said than done, because he saw red when he heard his name fall from the other’s sweet mouth, and he grinded himself against Ed’s ass in response.

Edward pulled on his hair gently, bringing his face up towards his own, and he put his forehead against the older man’s. He was panting slightly and fully flushed, eyes glassy and pupils dilated. He looked wrecked already. _And we haven’t got any further than making out_ , Roy thought blissfully to himself. However, he knew that if he didn’t stop now with this break the younger man was giving him, he didn’t think he would be able to stop.

Roy smiled at him softly, “Edward, before we go any further, there is something we need to discuss.”

The blonde rolled his eyes, “If this has anything to do with you thinking I’m not ready, trust me, I am.”

Roy chuckled and unwrapped the boy’s legs from around his waist, letting him get to his feet. “That’s good to know, but that wasn’t what I was wanting to talk about.” He grabbed Ed’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, his smile slipping slightly. “It’s a discussion better suited for the living area. Go make yourself comfortable, and I’ll make some tea for the both of us.” With that, he gently pulled Ed down the hall to the living room before walking to the kitchen.

Edward had a look of both confusion and concern written across his face. _What the hell was that all about? We went from getting to the good shit to sipping tea? What the fuck_. Edward frowned, going to the couch and flopping onto it, letting out an exasperated groan as he stared at the clock on the wall.

Roy returned a few moments later, carrying a simple tray with a tea pot and two mugs, setting them down on the coffee table in front of the couch before sitting down himself. He poured Edward his before his own, and then he took a deep sigh, hands on his knees and furrowing his brow.

“Ed, I believe it to be important for you to know this information. Can you wait until I’m done telling you before you respond?”

Ed’s frown deepened, his grip tight on the mug that Roy handed him, “Mustang, what the fuck are you going on about?”

The old man gave him a weary smile, “Your mechanic called me this morning.”

“Huh? Win called you?”

“Yes, she did.”

Ed sat his mug down, narrowing his eyes at the man. “This is sounding pretty fucking weird, and I suggest for you to talk faster, Mustang.”

“She called me asking for advice, something that had to do with you. Saying that she needed a man’s perspective.”

Edward looked to the side, moving his eyes as he was muttering to himself, thinking over what Roy just said, and his face turned from confusion to blatant anger. He abruptly stood up, glaring down at the older man. Unbeknownst to Roy, Edward already had an idea where this was going.

Roy’s eyes widened, setting his mug down and looking up at him with concern. “Ed, what’s—”

“Where’s your phone, old man?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> Stay thirsty, my friends.


	6. Let Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The way that he said it, as if it was almost a fact, made Roy’s heart hurt. He rubbed the blonde’s cheek gently before kissing him softly, hoping that if words failed him, he could at least show him how much he was cherished. Roy pulled away, eyes shining with affection. “May I show you how you are wrong about yourself in every aspect? Would you let me?”. When Edward gave him a slow nod of affirmation, he gently pulled him by the hand and led him out of the living room and up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness! This chapter was hard to write. Took me about 4ish days. School started back today so I spent the weekend getting my classroom ready, and buckled down after getting home today to finish this chapter!
> 
> This chapter features very explicit sexual content.

Winry heaved a heavy, dramatic sigh, rubbing her neck before she continued to scrub the dishes in the sink.

Granny Pinako hadn’t been too thrilled listening to her rant about what she had read from Ed’s journal. In fact, she just ended up taking a long drag from her pipe and told Winry that the world was a lot larger than Resembool, and what she had told her was a lot tamer than what she had seen in her years of life. Winry had asked her kindly not to elaborate. Granny also scolded her for going through Edward’s things. She had expected that, though. Granny had basically told her to get her head out of her ass and stop assuming things, and while she understood her sentiment, she still couldn’t shake her intuition on what she believed to be the truth, which was that Edward had been manipulated by his superior officer in his younger years.

Just as she had turned off the water and dried her hands, the phone rang, and she sped off to answer it. She was expecting a phone call from Garfiel in Rush Valley.

Winry picked up the phone and answered cheerfully, “Hello! Rockbell Automail, this is Winry speaking!”

“What the hell did you go and do, Win?”

Winry felt ice chill her bones, and her voice got quiet, “Uh, hey Edward. That’s kind of a rude way to respond to someone you haven’t called or seen in a while!” She tried to mask her guilt with false anger, and she huffed. “I swear, you only call when you need something.”

Ed’s grip on the phone tightened, and he swore that if he still had his auto-mail arm, he probably would have crushed the phone in his hand, “Winry, don’t play dumb with me. You’re too smart for that, and it’s pissing me off more.”

She worried her lip between her teeth, and he didn’t give her a chance to answer him, “I don’t know what you said to Mustang, and I don’t particularly care to know at this moment, but judging by what little he said about you wanting a man’s opinion about something regarding me, I have a funny feeling you went looking for something you shouldn’t have. Under my bed, perhaps?”

“I didn’t _go_ looking!” She said sharply. “I was sweeping under the bed and my broom hit something, so I swept it out, and it was so weird to me to see a book just laying under your bed! So I looked at it to see what it was!”

Edward could feel his own teeth grinding, “So not only did you find my journal, you felt the need to read through it _and_ tear open the back where I kept some even more private notes? And on top of that, you took it upon yourself to call my ex-C.O. about it? Don’t try to tell me you didn’t tear my journal up, either. There would be no other explanation for you calling and giving Mustang a hard time.”

“Ed, I truly was thinking of your best interest, and—”

“Yeah, maybe in your own stupid fucking way,” he put his head against the wall. “Honestly, Win, I think you calling pisses me off more than actually reading the shit. At least if you read it and didn’t call, you could have brought it up to me in private. And yeah, I would have been pissed off about you not respecting my boundaries, like with the stupid pocket watch. But no, hell fucking knows what you told Mustang about what you read _about him_. Did you think that I magically would not have found out that you talked to him about it? What, did you threaten him or something?”

“Well, not physically—”

“And you think that makes it better somehow?” Edward spat. “For goodness sake, Winry. You can’t go throwing shit around like that. Stay out of my fucking business. I’m a grown ass man, and I don’t need you going behind my back with my personal thoughts to him.” He sighed, “I’m disappointed, Win, I really am. You’re like a sister to me. Al wouldn’t do shit like this.”

“Well I bet if he read what I did he would.”

“Joke’s on you, because I’ve already talked to him about all this.”

“And why haven’t you talked to me about it?”

Ed rolled his eyes, “You’re proving to me right now exactly why. Look, I don’t want to discuss this anymore with you. Not right now, anyway. I don’t want to say something I don’t mean. If you’re still pissy, phone Al, he’s at Gracia’s. Leave Mustang alone while you’re at it, would ya?” With that, he clicked the phone on the receiver.

On the other end, Winry had her forehead to the wall, realizing that karma came and bit her right in the backside in the form of Ed going off on her. _And truth be told_ , she thought, _I completely deserved it_. She chalked it up as something to worry about later and set about figuring her schedule for the day and what needed to be done. Moping about her own stupid actions wasn’t going to solve anything as it was.

***

Roy was sitting on the couch still, this time with the morning paper in his hand. When Ed walked in, he folded the paper neatly and set it to the side as Ed sat in the chair opposite of the couch, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and hanging his head.

“Hey, how much did she tell you?”

Roy crossed his legs and folded his arms, “Do you really want to know?”

“Not really.”

“Then I’ll just say she told me enough. She also threatened my career, claiming I coerced you against your will, that I gave you pseudo-feelings since you didn’t know any better, and said she would use your writing to throw me in jail if I tried to ever talk to you again.”

Ed laughed hollowly and put his face in his hands, shaking his head, “Hell, I barely listened to you while in your command. I know Winry can jump to conclusions, but _man_ , she jumped really fucking high. I’m sorry she called and gave you all that bullshit.”

“It’s not too big of a deal to me, Edward. Granted, it wasn’t something I ever expected to hear from her about. In a sense, I can understand her plight. She was confused and her anger was probably charged with the fact she doesn’t care for me as it is. The way she sounded over the phone gave me the feeling that she does care for you, and possibly loves you in some fashion. I’m sure she didn’t appreciate what she read.”

“You think then she would’ve considered maybe, I don’t know, not going through my shit. It wasn’t written for her to appreciate it. She went and got her own feelings hurt by being stupid.”

Roy shrugged, “Hindsight is 20/20, or so they say.”

Ed sighed, straightening up. “And she didn’t even apologize either. She just stuck to her guns like I needed looking out for. Look, I don’t want to talk about this anymore, to be honest. I’ll take care of things with her some other time, after both of us have calmed down about the subject.” He locked eyes with Roy, then shifted his gaze, blushing heavily. “I, uh, would actually like to continue what we had going on earlier.”

Roy couldn’t help but laugh lightly, earning him a half-hearted glare, and he smiled. “Well Ed, I made the first move.” He uncrossed his legs, almost saying _come at me_ by the way he was sitting. His legs were spread apart slightly, arms across the back of the couch, head tilted to the side to rest on his shoulder, dark black onyx smoldering with feeling. “I think it’s your turn now, if you’re up to it.”

Ed was blushing so hard that it _hurt_ , and he stood, slowly rounding the table to stand in between the Colonel’s legs. Roy watched his movements like a hawk eyeing its prey, and it made Ed’s skin itch and feel too hot for the clothes he was wearing. He put one knee on the couch and swung the other over, successfully straddling the man he was looming over.

Roy took his arms from the couch and sat them on Edward’s hips, looking at him in the eyes and smiling softly, “Just so I’m aware, how far is your knowledge in this subject?” Ed’s averted gaze was as good of an answer as any, and Roy continued. “This can move at your pace. Whatever you like, tell me, and whatever you don’t like, _tell me_.” He ran his hands up the blonde’s sides, eliciting a shiver, and he slipped his hand up the boy’s neck to the back of his head, asking silently for permission to let his hair down. Ed nodded, and down his hair came, falling like liquid gold in waves across his neck and shoulders.

Roy looked at him in total awe, “Edward, I believe you to be the most beautiful person I have ever had the chance of laying eyes on.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?” Ed mumbled, his blush going down his neck as he crossed his arms and looked away again.

Roy grinned, like a shark who was going to devour Edward whole. And he _would_ in due time. He ran his hands back down Ed’s body, back to his hips, and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Shut me up then.”

Ed bit his lip and looked back towards the man he was straddling, lightly running his hands up the other’s arms to his shoulders, then back down his chest. He pressed his hands against him and felt the definition there before shyly unbuttoning his shirt, trying to not make it too obvious how much the expanding pale skin was affecting him.

Roy hummed quietly, running his hands over the other’s lower back, and he let the younger man move at his own pace. Whatever was comfortable for him was good enough for Roy. _He really is too damn cute_ , Roy thought to himself, appreciating the dusting of blush across Ed’s bronze skin.

Ed opened up Roy’s shirt as best as he could, considering the sitting arrangement and the shirt still being tucked into the man’s pants. He ran his hands across warm skin, and decided he wanted more, _more_. He leaned forward to kiss Roy, their movements being languid, slow, like the world revolved around them and nothing else mattered. Experimentally, Edward ever so slowly dragged his nails down Roy’s chest, and he felt more than heard the noise that came from the older man as a response.

The reaction triggered something in Ed’s brain. _What I’m doing actually feels good to him_. The realization caused a confidence boost, and he started getting bolder, tightening his knees on either side of Roy’s hips and pressing himself closer to the man. Roy made another sound of appreciation and used his hands to guide Ed’s hips, starting a slow, sensuous grind that would probably end up being the death of him.

Edward couldn’t help but let out a soft moan, breaking the kiss as he felt something hard pressing against him, and he felt a trickle of hot lava run down his spine. He moved Roy’s hands to his ass and resumed kissing the man, running his hands to the soft, raven hair and letting his body move on its own accord, pressing down harder into the older man’s lap. Roy groaned and tilted his head back, and Ed took the opportunity to run his mouth down, leaving feather-soft kisses and then licking a long, slow stripe up his neck to his ear, nibbling gently and breathing hotly against the sensitive skin.

Roy got a fist full of golden hair and pulled, and his reward was a whine that was music to his ears. “Ed, I do believe my bedroom would be better suited for the few activities that I have in mind.” He could feel him trembling slightly, and he motioned him to stand up, following suit after he had climbed off his lap. “However, if you have reservations, please tell me. Communication for these things is important.”

“W-what makes you think I have a problem?”

“Because you’re shaking, Edward.”

Ed pouted and adverted his eyes, “It’s just…I-I don’t know what I’m doing. I have zero experience with any of this, and I just…”. He paused, took a deep breath, and continued, “I just don’t wanna be a bad lay or disappointing or anything like that.”

Roy frowned, pushing the blonde’s bangs away from his face, “A ‘bad lay’? Ed, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you being inexperienced, nor does it make me think less of you. There is no possible way that you can be disappointing—the fact that this is happening at all is already satisfying enough for me.”

Ed bit his lip, voice going soft, “I guess I thought if I wasn’t any good, then you would…y’know…”

“No, I don’t think I know what you mean.”

“Like, not wanna do it again with me. I mean, there’s a whole _mob_ of people that would die to crawl in bed with you and—”

“Edward, you can’t possibly think that I want this to be a one-time thing, do you?” The blonde refused to meet his gaze, so he tucked his finger under his chin and lifted it, making Ed look at him. “First of all, I don’t give a damn about anyone outside of this room right now, let alone care about if they want to bed me or not. Second, I want _you_ , Ed. As you’ve gotten older, and turned into the man that you are, it’s…it’s just always been you. You fascinate me. You have a heart bigger than the ocean, yet you choose to fill part of it with me, and that makes me feel like the luckiest man alive. Please don’t ever feel inferior to me based on your life experiences, or lack thereof. Quite frankly, I’m the one who should be self-conscious, considering that I am almost twice your age, and I know for a fact that I am not the only one that notices how stunning you are. Not only that, but my past is dark, and the path I’m on is dangerous.”

Edward shook his head slowly, “That shit about your past and whatever, I don’t care. I’ve done stupid shit too, y’know. And I don’t know what you’re going on about. I mean, I guess I look alright, but if the clothes were off, I’m sure someone would go running. I’d be surprised if _you_ didn’t go running. Hell, I have enough scars for two or three people, and my leg isn’t the easiest pill to swallow. At least you have all of you.”

The way that he said it, as if it was almost a fact, made Roy’s heart _hurt_. He rubbed the blonde’s cheek gently before kissing him softly, hoping that if words failed him, he could at least show him how much he was cherished. Roy pulled away, eyes shining with affection. “May I show you how you are wrong about yourself in every aspect? Would you let me?”. When Edward gave him a slow nod of affirmation, he gently pulled him by the hand and led him out of the living room and up the stairs.

If Ed wasn’t feeling nervous before, he sure was now. He was glad he had just a simple pastry for breakfast, because his stomach was doing summersaults and he didn’t think it would be very romantic of him to get sick on the man’s stairs. His heart was thumping wildly against his chest as he followed the man to his bedroom. Ed found appreciation in the dark wood of the furniture, and he decided that it seemed like something that Mustang would like. There were a couple of paintings here and there, a vase with a white orchid on top of a dresser with an adequately sized mirror behind it. He wasn’t too terribly surprised to see a sizeable bed with navy-blue sheets, and the curtains matched too. The window was large and gave impeccable lighting and was a sit-in window to boot. It would be a perfect place to read a book on a lazy morning. Ed scrunched up his nose, _Ed, don’t go getting your hopes up_.

When Roy turned and gave him a warm smile, his heart jumped into his throat and a blush returned to warm his face. “Remember, Ed, this goes at your pace. Whatever you want to do, or don’t want to do, is fine with me and I will not pressure you into anything you are not comfortable with.”

“Jeeze, you make it sound like you are gonna tie me up for my first time. What is it, red light stop, and green light go?”

Roy rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help but give a small chuckle. “If you want me to tie you up, that could be arranged in the future, but I had some other things that are equally as nice in my opinion.”

Ed gave a small snort, “You sound like you need to pencil me into your schedule.”

“Something tells me Riza wouldn’t appreciate that. ‘Yes, Lieutenant, I understand I am to be at work this morning. But you see, I have an Edward Elric tied to my headboard.’ I don’t think she would let that be an adequate excuse to stay home.” The younger man flushed harder at the imagery, and Roy smirked and pulled him closer, “Trust me, I can think of many a thing to do to you in my bed. Care to find out?”

His answer was Edward grabbing his shirt collar and pulling his mouth to his own. His hands slid down Roy’s shirt to resume their task they started on the couch, and he finished unbuttoning the shirt before gently tugging it out of the black slacks. He tugged the shirt down the man’s arms, and he couldn’t stop himself from breaking the kiss to just _look_ , because Roy was _beautiful_ , even with the scar across the side of his abdomen. _Hell, it just adds to the whole thing_ , he thought.

“Not to break you of your thoughts, but I believe that it is unfair that you are fully clothed, in multiple layers might I add, yet I have already lost a shirt.” Roy rubbed his fingers along Ed’s hands before sliding them up his arms to his chest, then down to his vest. “May I?”

Words escaped Ed, so he nodded, and Roy began undressing him while resuming their kiss. In no time at all, the vest and shirt were both undone, and both of the offending articles of clothing were tossed to the floor without much care for them. They both let their hands roam across each other’s torsos. Roy was reveling in how Ed’s skin was soft in most spots and textured in others were there were scars. He was toned, strong, and sturdy. His fingers found one of Edward’s nipples and he gave it a gentle pinch, rolling it until it hardened beneath his fingers, and he swallowed the small moan that rose out of Ed’s throat. As gracefully as he could, without breaking their kiss, he guided the both of them to his bed. When the back of Ed’s legs hit the side of the bed, he reflexively lowered himself. Roy followed, settling himself between the boy’s legs, bringing them up to his hips as he supported himself above Ed with his forearms. Ed wrapped his legs around the older man’s hips, drawing him closer, and when he rolled his hips, Roy swore he was going to die by the end of this. _At least I’ll die a happy man_.

Ed’s hands roamed down Roy’s back, dragging his nails gently, and Roy responded with a small thrust to his backside, a surprised, stuttered moan coming from this mouth. Ed repeated the motion, dragging his nails up his back, and was rewarded with another moan. He ran his hands back down to the man’s slacks and ran his finger tips softly along the waist line to the front, finding the button and zipper, and undoing them with slightly trembling hands. The only thing keeping Ed rolling was adrenaline and his hard dick at this point, and he was sure if he had stopped to give any thought whatsoever about what was going on currently, he would probably want to melt into the sheets and never return.

And like a cruel joke, Roy broke the kiss, pulling away and slowly standing up. He tucked his thumbs into his slacks, sliding them down and kicking them off, never breaking eye contact with Ed, who was propped up on his elbows. Ed felt his mouth go dry at what he was witnessing. When he noticed the outline of the man’s erection and a wet spot on the front of the man’s boxer-briefs, his body moved like it had a mind of its own. He sat up slowly, scooting towards the edge of the bed. He licked his lips and looked up at the man, running his hands up his thighs to the hemline of his underwear, and he took sweet satisfaction in the goosebumps and small shivers that he got from the action.

“Remember Ed, you do not have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“Last I recalled, I came up here on my own free will, and will be using the same free will to finish undressing you. Stop talking so much.” And with that, Ed slowly pulled the underwear down, freeing the man’s erection, and he swallowed a lump in his throat he didn’t know he had.

Roy’s cock stood proud, surrounded by a patch of soft, black curls. He was hard, and his dick got redder towards the tip, which was wet, and some fluid had started to run along the underside, catching on his foreskin. Ed’s mouth _watered_ , and without even thinking it over or considering the action, he leaned forward and slowly licked the head, like if he was licking the top of an ice cream cone. The sound that the man above him let out was completely and irrevocably sinful and _delicious_ , and Ed made it his new life mission to get more of those sounds out of the man.

Besides, he needed a new life goal anyway.

He wrapped his hand around the warm flesh, noticing that while he himself might be a little longer than what he was holding, Roy was girthier, and the thought of that being _inside him_ made him nervous. Ed shoved the nervousness somewhere else in his brain, not wanting to be distracted, and he licked a slow trail along the underside, looking up at the older man, before slowly putting his lips around the head and giving a small, experimental suck.

 _Edward, you are making the dirtiest set of ‘fuck me’ eyes that I have ever seen_ , Roy thought to himself, biting his lip to stop a moan from leaking out as Ed took more of him into his mouth. Any fantasies or dreams he may have had were nothing in comparison to this. To see Ed’s wide, golden eyes looking up at him, with his face fully flushed and framed by his equally golden hair was almost more than Roy could take. He ran his hand through Ed’s hair, earning a satisfactory hum, and the soft vibrations along his cock made him shiver. Ed began moving his head back and forth, and more quickly, taking more into his mouth with each passing and using his hand to cover what he couldn’t fit in his mouth, letting his eyes flutter shut as he got more confident and found a rhythm for his movements. He hadn’t forgotten about his own neglected erection though—it strained against his brown slacks, seeking freedom, and he used his other hand to rub his palm against it, trying to find some sort of relief, and a moan creeped up his throat, slightly blocked by the cock in his mouth.

Roy gently pulled Ed back, knees almost buckling at the string of saliva connecting him to the boy’s swollen red lips, and the look Ed gave him was almost pitiful. He knelt down in front of him, kissing him, and then speaking. “I know what that face is trying to say. I did not stop you because I did not find enjoyment,” he mumbled against swollen lips, finding the waist of Ed’s pants and unbuttoning them. “I stopped you because this is more than just about me. It’s about _us_. I want the both of us to enjoy what is happening right now.” He gently pushed against Ed’s chest until he laid down against the bed, and only then did Ed really notice just how soft the fabric was against his skin. Roy nudged for him to lift his hips up, and he did, although he wasn’t expecting Roy to take both his slacks and his underwear off in one go. If it wasn’t for the man situating himself between his legs, causing his knees to hit his shoulders, Ed would’ve snapped his legs shut. The best he could manage was hiding his face behind his forearm, feeling the heat of his face against his skin.

Roy began leaving soft kisses across his inner thighs. “Don’t hide from me, Edward,” he mumbled against his skin. “Let me see you, let me hear you. Let me know what is good for you, so I can do it again and again.” He licked along his thigh, slowly, teasingly, and Ed almost jumped out of his skin. Roy moved his legs to actually be up on his shoulders, and Ed crossed his ankles behind the man’s back. Roy descended upon his cock slowly, expertly, and took him in until the tip hit the back of his throat.

A strangled cry came from behind red lips, and a hand flew to immediately cover up the mouth betraying its owner. Ed used his other arm to prop up on his elbows, looking down at the man between his legs. His eyes were wide, and his eyebrows were furrowed in pleasure, almost unable to comprehend that what was happening was _actually_ happening. It wasn’t a wet dream or daytime fantasy, it was _real_. Every time Roy moved his head up and down his shaft, Ed couldn’t help but let small muffled moans come through his hand.

He was completely surprised, though, when Roy momentarily stopped and grabbed Ed by the wrists with his hands, pulling them towards him, and causing Ed’s back to fall with a soft thump. Before Ed could complain, his mouth was back on him, and Ed realized that Roy took his hands so he couldn’t cover his mouth, so his options were to either bite his lip until he bled or let the noises come out.

 _What an asshole_ , he thought to himself, although there was no real ill intent with it.

A spark shot up his spine when Roy began circling his tongue around him with every upward movement, and Ed could feel his toes curling and sweat beginning to coat his body. His head was thrashing from side to side, and he was starting to lose himself and was becoming a garbling mess.

“Nn…R-Roy, I d-don’t—ahhh. I don’t wanna come yettt.”

Roy raised a brow and slowly pulled his mouth off, giving languid licks to Ed’s cock as he spoke, “Hmmm, it seemed to me like you enjoyed it. Why do you say that?”

Ed used his core muscles to lift himself up, and he snatched his wrists away from the man’s hands before putting them in Roy’s hair, giving a gentle tug that he hoped wasn’t painful (in actuality, it made Roy feel out of this world) before whispering lowly, “I want you to be fucking me when I do. I want to feel you stretching me open, Roy. I’ve wanted it for so long.” Ed was living for the look on the man’s face. He used his hands to motion for Roy to sit up more before leaning towards his ear, licking the shell of it before speaking softly against it, “Are you really going to keep me waiting? I want you. _Now_.”

He gave a small yelp of surprise as Roy lifted him gently to toss him softly higher up the bed. The man crawled over him, causing their erections to rub against each other, and he kissed the blond like he was starving for it. Roy fumbled in the nightstand for a small container of liquid and then sat back, staring down at Ed, who looked positively debauched and delicious. His blush had crept down to his chest now, and his hair was like a golden fan, framing his bronze skin. His mouth was open, and he was panting softly. Roy’s cock throbbed with want between his legs, and he squeezed some liquid on his fingers before looking into Ed’s eyes, making sure there was no hesitation. Ed gave him a soft nod, and he lowered his fingers to the others opening, circling it gently before pressing in slowly.

Ed gave a low, breathy moan at the intrusion, and he inwardly gave a small laugh at Roy’s look of surprise. “H-haaah..easier than you e-expected, huh?”. His body shivered as the man began moving his finger in and out, and he continued, “I-I tried not to t-think about anything while I was—oohhh—while I was showering this morning, but—”. He was cut off by another finger joining the first, beginning to scissor him slowly, “B-but I couldn’t help it, s-so I was thinking about y-you fucking me, and I used my fingers—”

Whatever word that was coming after was forgotten when Roy hooked his fingers and found Ed’s prostate, and Ed arched his back and snapped his hips down involuntarily. So, Roy did the only logical thing he could do at the time, and repeated the motion, over and over, until Ed was practically sobbing and begging for him to hurry up, get it over with, ‘get in me’, as he put it.

“Edward, I am just being thorough that you don’t get hurt, and—”

“I swear, you fucking _bastard_ , you either get your dick inside me, or I’ll push you over and sit on it myself. Fucking _fuck_ me, damn it.” Ed hissed, and that was all Roy could take. He grabbed the bottle he used earlier and put a generous amount on his cock, moaning softly at the feeling, before grabbing Ed’s legs and putting them over his shoulders, practically folding him in half. He lined himself up to his entrance and began pushing in slowly, kissing the boy as he did so to hopefully keep him distracted from the intrusion.

Ed’s eyes rolled upward, and his mouth fell open at the feeling. It burned, sure, and there was a stretch, but he just felt so _full_. It was overwhelming. And Roy’s dick was hard and _hot,_ and he thought he was going to burst from the feeling of it. His body trembled, and when Roy finally put himself as deep as he could go, hips to Ed’s ass, Edward let out a long, drawn out moan, looking down to where they were connected, and it took him outside of himself.

Roy had to grit his teeth to ignore just how wonderfully tight the boy was. Tight, warm, and soft. Roy had to keep reeling himself in, over and over, reminding himself that this wasn’t just about him, but Edward too, and he was going to make sure that his first time was going to be worth his while.

Roy put his forehead to Ed’s, watching for any signs of discomfort as he slowly pulled himself out and pushed back in just as slow. Ed’s hands found Roy’s arms and squeezed, completely in a different state of mind with the pleasure wracking his body.

“R-Roy…p-please…”

“Edward,” the man called in response, continuing the slow, lazy thrusting to make sure the blonde’s body was adequately adjusted, “what do you want, love? Tell me, and I will make it happen.”

 _Love, he called me ‘love’. Holy shit, he’s a sap, or just a good pillow talker. Please let this be real. Life give me this, please._ Ed felt his eyes getting a little wet, and he bit his lip, whining in the back of his throat. “I want it _all_ , Roy. Give it to me.” He used the heels of his feet to lift his hips, meeting the man for his thrusts, and he could have sworn that the man went slightly cross-eyed. “All of it, Roy. Don’t hold back on me. I’ve wanted this for too long. You want to hear me, see me. I want the same. I want all of _you_ , too.” And he leaned up to catch Roy’s mouth for a kiss.

 _Trust me, Edward, there’s nothing holding me back._ Roy couldn’t help but open his mouth for a long moan at the younger man’s words. They were perfect, completely everything he wanted to hear, and everything he wanted to do. He put his hands on Ed’s hips and picked up the pace, using the blonde's thighs as something to lean against and keep his balance. Every particular placed thrust knocked a high-pitched moan out of the blonde, and Roy just wanted to keep hearing it again and again. He was selfish in that regard. Everything that Edward gave him, he wanted to give it right back and _more_ , and when he hit Ed’s prostate head on, Ed’s head snapped back and the noise he made was nothing short of a pleasure-filled shout.

“Fuck yes, Royyy,” Ed drawled out, his fingernails digging into the man’s arms, and Roy couldn’t find a reason in himself to complain. He felt Ed’s insides begin to flutter, and he used a hand to move Ed’s face so he would lock eyes with him.

“Edward. Hide nothing from me,” he gritted out between thrusts, completely losing his rhythm as he chased his orgasm. “I want to watch you come with you tight around me.”

“O-oh m-m-my Godddd…R-Roy! I…I..” Ed tried to close his eyes and look away, but Roy kept his hand firm and he leaned in to give Ed a sloppy, open-mouth kiss before speaking again. “Ed..” he groaned, keeping his dark eyes on the bright gold ones below him, “I’m going to come. Will you come with me?” He gave a particularly sharp thrust to the blonde’s prostate, and Ed shouted. “I want you to come with me. Make a mess out of the both of us. Let me hear those dirty sounds out of your pretty little mouth,” he whispered against Ed’s swollen lips, taking the lower one into his mouth and biting gently.

And Ed was gone after that. His whole body went taut, and Roy heard his name echo off the walls repeatedly as he began a more punishing pace, and when he hit his prostate just right, Roy noticed tears leaking out of Ed’s eyes as the boy started to shake. He briefly looked down and saw the first spurts of come coming out, then looked up to see Ed’s eyes completely rolled back and his mouth open in a silent scream, and Roy buried his face into Ed’s shoulder as he came, getting himself as deep as he could go and grinding it out, letting the body beneath him milk him for all he was worth.

When their bodies came to a stop, there was a sheen of sweat across their bodies, and only their gasps for air could be heard in the room. Roy finally sat up slowly, looking at Ed, and the blond gave him a small smile. He gently pulled out and sat up, excusing himself to go to the bathroom to get a warm washcloth to clean themselves up. By the time he got back to the bed, Edward had already nodded off, and Roy thought it to be the most pleasant of sights he had ever seen.

He gently cleaned the younger man, careful not to rouse him, although he did anyway. He apologized, and Ed shook his head before motioning him to come up the bed to join him. Roy tossed the rag to the hamper and moved up the bed, laying next to him, and he pulled the blonde closer.

“Roy…” Ed whispered. “I…we…what…” He motioned back and forth between himself and Roy, and Roy couldn’t help but crack a small smile, despite his exhaustion.

“Edward,” he murmured, “I’ll be completely honest and say that I would love to try a relationship with you. If you do not, I will understand.” _And I’ll be heartbroken_.

Ed’s eyelids began to droop before he mumbled, “Yeah…let’s try that…”. And then off to sleep he went. Roy gently moved to get some covers across their bare skin and began coaxing himself to rest while running his hands through the blonde’s hair. A smile stayed present on his face until he eventually dozed, feeling content and, for the first time in a long time, truly and remarkably happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed! This is my first time writing a full sex scene from the very beginning to end.
> 
> There's definitely at least one more chapter coming, maybe two. Thank you guys for all your kind words and support! It warms my heart knowing you guys like it.


	7. Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was no logical theory that could be proposed to explain just how wonderful Edward truly was, just how much he affected Roy in all accounts. Roy’s heart lurched, and once again his mouth moved before his brain could catch up.
> 
> “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 100 kudos?? Over 1000 hits??? Holy heck, I feel so great :'D. Thank you guys for all of your love!!
> 
> Y'all remember that song by Ed Sheeran? Why do I keep naming chapters after songs. I didn't even listen to this one on repeat like I did the other one I mentioned.
> 
> Very explicitly explicit sex. And a different turn towards the end. :^)

“Alphonse, phone call for you!”

Al got up from his spot at the coffee table where he was playing a board game with Elysia. He trotted over to the phone, thanked Gracia, and held it up to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Al, I think I screwed up.”

Alphonse blinked, and was heavily expecting it to be his brother’s voice at the other end of the line, not his childhood best friend-turned-crush. “Winry? What happened? Are you alright?”

Winry smiled softly at the other man’s concern, even though she knew that it was probably going to be soon replaced with disappointment, or worse, anger. “I’m fine, Al! I promise. I just think I made a small error in regard to Ed.”

“What, like his auto-mail or something?”

“No, like ‘digging into his personal life’ kind of something.” She fidgeted, rocking on her feet. “I was cleaning house the other day and was sweeping in y’all’s room, because it needed it to be honest, and I swept out Ed’s journal from his bed, and I kind of read it.”

“Winry, it’s hard to ‘kind of’ do that. You either did or you didn’t.”

“Yeah, I did.”

Al frowned and huffed a sigh, “Brother isn’t going to be happy about this, you know.”

“Oh don’t worry, I know. He’s already been made aware of it.”

Alphonse shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. “How’d you get ahold of him, anyway? He was on his way to Colonel Mustang’s house to return a book he had borrowed, so it wasn’t like he called you, was it?”

“Well, I…” She paused, shook her head, and continued, “I read something that rubbed me the wrong way, so I called the Colonel to give him a piece of my mind.”

Alphonse shook his head more, rubbing his face. _I can only imagine what you read, then_. “Ah. That didn’t bode well for you did it.”

“No, because Ed showed up right after I called him, and I suppose it got mentioned, because he called me in a fury afterwards.”

“I can’t blame him, Winry,” he murmured into the phone. “I mean, Ed doesn’t share a lot with everyone, even _me_. I mean, I know sparingly what you probably ended up reading in full detail.” Al heard Winry mumble something along the lines of ‘wish I hadn’t’ and continued. “I’m aware of Brother’s _preference_ , if you would put it that way, but we don’t talk about it like girls gossiping about their lovers over coffee. That’s weird. I love my brother, but I don’t need to know anything pertaining to _that_.”

“Yeah, me either, Al.”

“You kind of did it to yourself, you know.”

Winry sighed irritably. “ _Yes_ , I’m aware, as Granny has already chided me about.” She frowned, “I didn’t call to get scolded further, you know.” She wrapped the cord around her finger, “I sat down to go about my daily schedule, but the more I thought about it, the more guilty I felt. I didn’t even _apologize_ to him, Al. I just kept going on and on defending myself. I didn’t even listen to him.” She sniffed back tears, “I truly didn’t mean to do wrong by him, although in hindsight I realized that if he ever did the same, I would bite his head off.” Alphonse scoffed in a way that said, ‘you don’t say?’, and she rolled her eyes. “I don’t want to just tell him sorry. He deserves more than that, you know? I really did a number on him by doing that. Someone’s trust isn’t just _given_ …it’s earned. I know that it’ll take time, but do you think that there’s something I can do to help with that?”

Alphonse pondered the thought for a little bit, then smiled, “Yes, in fact, I think I do have something in mind.”

***

Edward awoke slowly, blinking away the sleep from his eyes and rubbing them with the back of his hand. He soon became aware that he was, in fact, in someone else’s bed and not his own.

He was also _very_ naked.

He sat up quickly, looking around, and as recounts of what had happened before he fell asleep hit his conscious, he turned a deep red color.

“Oh, holy shit…” he whispered.

“’Holy shit’ indeed. As eloquent as ever, Edward.”

Edward yelped loudly, yanking the blankets over him up to his chin and glaring at the older man who was smiling at him with amusement, “Could you fucking _stop that_?!”. Despite his anger and annoyance towards Roy, Ed couldn’t just ignore how _lovely_ he was looking, leaning against the doorway with his slacks on and a white shirt.

Roy raised a brow, “Why, whatever do you mean?”

“Scaring the piss out of me.”

“Not in my bed, please.”

Roy had to duck away from the pillow that Ed hurled in his direction. He couldn’t help but laugh and ended up getting hit by the second one.

“Ouch, I have been wounded.” He sighed dramatically, despite the way that he sauntered over to the bed before crawling up the length of it, hovering over the blonde who tried to hunker down and dissolve into the bed. Ed glared at him more, but he couldn’t take it seriously since Ed’s face was getting redder by the second.

“W-What’s the big idea?”

“Me.”

Next thing Roy knew, air was knocked out of his lungs and he was on his back with an angry, hot and very naked blonde straddling his lap.

“Could ya shut up for once, you insufferable prick.”

“Insufferable, he says, yet he sits on mine.”

If looks could kill, Roy would have been a dead man five times over.

“Remind me again why I’m here with your lame ass.”

“Supposedly to exchange a book, however I think we ended up exchanging other things instead and—mmmph.” His next words were cut off by a pair of soft lips against his own, licking and nibbling for entry, and he parted them slightly, moaning into the other’s mouth softly. Ed made his way down his neck, and Roy sighed happily, “If all I had to do was make a bunch of bad jokes to get you to do that, I would’ve started that forever ago.”

Ed bit his neck, maybe a littler harder than he intended, but Roy gasped in pleasure all the same, “If you would have done that before establishing anything, I think you just would have perished by my hands.” He tugged at Roy’s shirt and the man sat up to pull it off and away from himself before flopping back down. Ed rubbed his chest and abdomen before rocking against him slowly, sliding his awakening erection against the other man, and Roy tilted his head back with a needy groan. Ed licked, nibbled, bit and soothed the skin across his neck and chest, and Roy could feel his erection pressing up against the man above him. Ed just responded with a hum and grinded against the man, earning a choked moan from the man below him.

“Hmmm…Ed, you seem to be—ah, getting more confident,” Roy was becoming breathless. He couldn’t help himself. This beautiful work of art, this astounding man, this barely bottled supernova of a person was working him over so wonderfully. His hands, his mouth, his teeth—Roy didn’t even _know_ that he liked being nibbled and bit like this. But who was he to resist? He was, of course, only a man.

And damn it all if Edward fucking Elric wasn’t making a new one out of him.

Ed slid down his body smoothly, like he somehow mastered the art after just being in bed with Roy once—Roy couldn’t figure out if he was a good teacher or if Ed was just a fast learner. The blonde licked his way down, sucking here and kissing there, leaving light red and some purple marks along his way. He looked up at Roy with those amber eyes and Roy thought he was going to drown in them. The man breathed hotly against his skin and mouthed lower, pressing his open mouth against the outline of Roy’s hard cock, and Roy had to suck in a breath and fist a hand in the bedding.

“Edward, who the _hell_ gave you permission to— _shit_ ,” his head tilted back as Ed pulled his pants down and began licking across his abdomen and pelvis, “Who the hell gave you permission to be this fucking hot after napping for one damn hour?”

Ed shot him a toothy grin, “Well, Roy, I choose to learn only from the best.” And Ed kept his eyes locked on Roy’s as he lowered his mouth upon the man’s cock, until the tip of it hit the back of his throat, and he pulled up slowly while keeping suction, until his mouth came off with a dirty and wet _pop_.

Roy swore his brain was going to pop at this rate. His thighs were trembling despite himself, and his hips were shamelessly rocking up towards Ed’s face, bumping the boy’s lips, and all Ed seemed to care to do was sweep that sweet, soft tongue across the head and nothing else. His cock was leaking with want, and it was causing a string of connection between the blonde’s tongue and himself, and he _throbbed_ from head to toe.

“Ed…” Roy growled lowly. “You’re testing my patience.” And Ed chuckled, he fucking _chuckled_ , and Roy was wanting to fuck the shit out of him and throttle him at the same time. Roy opened his mouth to say something else, but all that left it was a moan that was knocked out of the bottom of his lungs as Ed took him down as deep as he could in one go. Roy brought his knuckles to his mouth to bite them. Something about it being _Ed_ in his bed, between his legs, made his body way hotter than it ever had been in the past. All physical attributes aside (and he thought Ed to have a lot of those), Roy believed Ed to be walking craftsmanship in all forms. He truly was something to be kept close and cherished until the end of time.

A low groan bubbled up from him when Ed hollowed his cheeks, licking all around before pulling his head off again, licking his lips and eyeing Roy like he was the feast after the harvest. “Ya know, Roy…” Ed murmured against his cock, giving it wet, sloppy kisses that made Roy’s nerves sing, “I was honest when I said I had no firsthand experience, _but_ …”. He slid up the man’s body, straddling him and tossing his hair over a shoulder, “That doesn’t necessarily mean that I haven’t read up on the subject. See, I like researching things, you know that, and this subject isn’t too different.” Ed grinded his ass against the man, positioning so Roy’s cock would slide between his cheeks against his already sensitive hole, and he shivered before speaking, “If it would be alright with you, I would like to share what bounds I have made in my studies while away, _Colonel, sir_.”

Roy thought to himself there was no fucking way in any and all forms of Truth that this was his life in this moment. Yet there he was, lying on his back with nothing of importance to say as he watched the living and breathing form of dynamite grin down at him as he lined himself up with and slowly sat himself on his cock. Roy let out a breathy moan, hands flying to the blonde’s hips and squeezing, hoping to brand himself into the bronze skin even just temporarily.

Ed experimentally tightened his muscles on purpose, and Roy thought his brain went off axis. The younger man rocked slowly on top of him, grinding and circling his hips, dragging his nails down his chest and leaving light red marks in their wake. _Why did this damn brat figure out that I like that so much?_ He moved his hands to the blonde’s backside, massaging the boy’s ass with one cheek in each hand, and he looked up to his lover’s face, seeing a wicked grin and an idea flash through those eyes.

_Oh, fuck._

“You seem to really like my ass, don’t ya, ya bastard?” Ed rumbled lowly, before moving himself around and causing Roy to seriously consider getting on his knees and praying to some god or deity or _something_ , because Edward literally just rotated himself on his cock without ever coming off of it, and he was now face-to-face—well, face-to-ass—with the blonde’s backside. And he marveled at his back, too. He could see just how great the man’s definition was, and noticed that ever so slightly, his sides dipped in before reaching his hips, giving off a wonderful curve that made him want to grasp tightly with his selfish hands and never let go. How could he not notice before that the man above him was perfection incarnate?

And really, what fucking books had Ed been reading? Someone _must_ have told him how to do these things. He _must_ have asked someone (he was going to either shoot or praise Havoc later, as it had to be him). Because there would be no other explanation for Ed knowing to lean forward on his hands and arch his back before preceding to raise and lower himself ever so exquisitely on Roy’s cock. Roy flat out _gawked_ , completely enraptured in watching Ed’s asshole stretch around him, watching Ed sink all the way down and then go all the way up, leaving just the tip inside before repeating the motion. Unfortunately, for most things where Ed was concerned, Roy had little patience, and this situation was no different than the norm. Only thing that was different was that, on normal occasions, his dick wouldn’t be up his ex-subordinate’s ass. But maybe that will be the norm now.

Roy sat up and placed his palm in-between Ed’s shoulder blades, pushing him down onto the bed as he raised himself to his knees, effectively earning a yelp of surprise. Ed put his palms on the bed to raise himself, but Roy just pressed him down again and grabbed a handful of silky gold locks.

“ _Edward_ ,” he hissed with pleasure, “you are going to be the death of me.” Roy twisted his hand in the boys hair, and the high-pitched keen that he was rewarded with slapped him in the face with pleasure. “Do you really like that?”

“H-haah…yeah…” Ed turned his head a little and peered at him out of the side of his eye, his pupils dilated, and Roy could tell that Ed was _gone_. “D-do it again…”

And who was Roy to say no to him? Do it again he did, and Edward let out a long moan that had his body trembling to stay in control of itself. He pulled, causing Edward to raise himself, and Roy sat back on his haunches, pulling Ed to sit in his lap with the boy’s back to his chest, legs open wide and feet planted on the mattress. The action caused him to be deeper within Ed, and Ed let out another shaky moan. He wrapped an arm around the boy’s waist and pulled on his hair again, causing Ed to have to tilt and turn his head to look at him.

“You have absolutely _ruined me_ ,” Roy whispered hotly into Ed’s ear, biting and sucking gently on the tender flesh. Ed whimpered as he continued. “You have absolutely no idea what you do to me, do you, Edward? You have my blood boiling, my heart racing. My brain is transfixed on just _you_ , your smell, your fucking _taste_.” He licked down the boy’s neck, biting at the junction between neck and shoulder, and Ed whined loudly. Roy soothed the bite with a lick and a kiss, “You know what I’m going to do right now?”. He moved both hands to underneath the man’s thighs near his ass, “I’m going to ruin you, just like you’re ruining me. I’m going to mess you up inside and out.” Ed was beginning to tremble, his poor neglected cock leaking down to his balls. He went to grab himself and Roy smacked his hand away. “Touch yourself, and I’ll stop. I’m going to take you apart, piece by piece, and then put you back together.”

And so Roy went about his task, using his hands to guide Ed’s movements of raising and lowering himself onto his lap. The position had him teasingly grazing the blonde’s prostate with each and every thrust, and the man in his lap was starting to become incoherent, babbling nonsense and damning the man simultaneously. Roy was on a power trip. Thrusting into him felt so damn good, but the effect that this agonizing pace had on Edward was too wonderful for him to rush through it.

“A-ahhh…R-Roy! F-fuck, please, _please_ …” Ed was full on whining and begging at this point, tossing his head back and forth, trying to speed up but the bastard’s fucking hands were keeping him from doing so. He brought his arms up to wrap around the back of Roy’s neck and tilted his head back to rest on the man’s shoulder, mouth open as he let out shameless sounds of pleasure. “Holy _shit_ , Roy…! P-please, I need _more_.”

“You’re not specific enough, Ed,” Roy groaned lowly, stopping his thrusting and grinding up against him, and Ed began to vibrate in pleasurable misery. “Try again, Ed. Tell me what it is exactly that you want, that you _need_.”

Ed bit his lip, flushed with embarrassment, and Roy lifted him to drop him back down quickly, and at the way Ed’s eyes shot open towards the ceiling, Roy knew he luckily hit his prostate with good accuracy, and Ed shouted his name at the top of his lungs. Roy was being a bastard, he knew it, but it wasn’t stopping him, “ _Edward_ , I need to hear it from that pretty mouth of yours.”

“F-fucking hell, Roy!” Ed threaded his hand in Roy’s hair and pulled his head to the side, exposing his neck more, and Ed turned and bit him not too gently, growling, “I want you give it to me, damn it. Take me over and come inside me again. Make it to where people will _know_ someone gave it to me like I wanted it—they’ll be able to tell from how I walk. For fuck’s sake, Roy, fuck me like you _mean it_.”

Roy swore and dug his fingers into the flesh of Ed’s thighs, then he pushed him back down onto the bed, face down and ass up. He kept his hand on the boy’s upper back, his other hand tight on the blonde’s hips, and he pulled out and snapped his hips quickly, pulling a shout from the man below him, “Fuck you like I mean it, you say?”. And Roy began a punishing pace. All that could be heard in the room was the sound of skin on skin, Roy’s breathy moans and groans, and Ed’s calls of praises and completely disheveled sounds of pleasure. With every movement inside him, Roy could feel himself being wound up too tight. And he hit his prostate just perfectly so, and Edward practically _sobbed_ into the bedding. He repeated the angle and the motion again, practically sending the man below him into hysterics as he fisted his hands in the sheets, knuckles going white.

The whine of agony that erupted from Ed’s throat was almost more than Roy could take. He pulled his hand from the blonde’s upper back and reached around his front, grabbing his leaking cock and pulling on it in time with his thrusts. And Ed lost it, singing his name as his orgasm rocked his senses, and the clamp of his inner muscles on Roy sent him over the moon. He thrust a couple more times and came as well, growling Ed’s name in the back of his throat as he titled his head back and grinded up against the blonde’s ass, emptying himself into him.

As Roy came back to himself, he looked down at Ed, who was making soft gasping sounds as he caught his breath, and his body trembled every few moments with aftershocks. Roy slid out gently, moaning softly at the feeling, and he couldn’t stop the pure unadulterated pleasure he took in watching his semen run out of Ed’s hole and down his leg. He used his forefinger to catch the trail, sliding the liquid back up, and then gently pressing his finger into the blonde, feeling himself in the man, and Roy would have came again if he had the stamina and ability to.

Ed gave a soft hum, and Roy removed his finger as Ed flopped over onto his side, sighing contently. He looked like he had just fallen from the sky, and if Roy believed in a heaven, he was sure that it was Edward’s true home. There would be no other reason for how he looked in this moment. There was no logical theory that could be proposed to explain just how wonderful Edward truly was, just how much he affected Roy in all accounts. Roy’s heart lurched, and once again his mouth moved before his brain could catch up.

“I love you.”

His mouth snapped shut and his eyes got wide, and Ed bristled, eyeing him, and Roy couldn’t tell if it was in disbelief or anger. The blonde sat up slowly, giving off waves that had Roy feeling immensely uncomfortable. Edward leaned towards him, feeling sick, like his throat was closing up and it was too hard for him to breathe. Because there was no way, no way in hell, that the fucking bastard just _said_ that. His voice was low and tight when he spoke, and his low self-esteem and negative depravity reared its ugly head. It was impossible to take those words for what they were worth. He wasn’t worthy of such, he _knew_ that, everyone _knew_ that, so he fired back the only way he knew how, with knives as teeth and venom on his tongue as he snapped.

“Don’t fucking _lie_ to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoop there is it
> 
> Winry is on the road to redemption, Roy feels as if he has a case of foot in mouth, and Ed is copying Winry by jumping to conclusions.  
> Next chapter will be messy and angsty.  
> Thanks for reading~


	8. The Last Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry for upsetting you. But I'm not taking back what I said."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry if it feels like a delayed update!! This chapter has been halfway done since last weekend, but RoyEd week got the best of me oof.

One thing that Edward never chose to disclose to anyone, not even his brother, was how he truly felt about himself. In the deepest pit of his conscious, Ed didn't think very highly of himself. He appeared confident, he supposed. It went along with his personality---he was loud, brash, and unable to be contained. It would only make sense for him to have some sort of esteem for himself. Sadly, he didn't.

Ed had troubles with his own self ever since he persuaded his brother to commit the sin that they did all those years ago. The amount of guilt that he felt was exponential. He was the sole reason why his brother no longer had a body. If he had just left things be how they were, if he hadn't been such a dumbass of a child, none of it would have occurred and he wouldn't have put his brother's life in danger. It ate at him day and night. There was a point of time where he didn't eat very much, and the only thing that snapped him out of it was knowing if he died, Al wouldn't get what he deserved. That, and Alphonse had noticed and said something. He felt terrible after that, making his baby brother worry. Ed thought that Al shouldn't have anything to worry about. He also thought that since he had successfully gotten his brother's body back the thoughts would dissipate. Unfortunately, that didn't seem to be the case.

Edward didn't talk about it, tried not to think about it, and definitely didn't write about it--his logic was that if he didn't acknowledge his feelings, they weren't real, and that meant it wasn't actually a problem. What did it matter if he thought negatively about himself? He felt that it served him right for the atrocities he committed, for the things he had done. He felt that it wasn't much of an issue that there were nights he would lay awake contemplating his own demise. It's not like his brother needed him anymore anyway, and that was truly all he lived for. What point was there for him living now? He lost his alchemy, left the military, and other than researching to fill the expanse of void in his chest, he didn't find much use or importance in his own existence.

So, hearing what Roy had just said flipped his mental state upside down in that moment, because it was against everything he had built up in his head, and it was against the truth that he knew deep down.

That he didn't matter, and he was of use to no one.

"Don’t fucking lie to me." He spat, and the look Roy gave him in response just about broke him.

"What...Edward, what?" Roy mumbled softly, staring at Ed like he had grown a second head. "Ed, what are you talking about?"

_Ed, you're such a dumbass._ "Nothing." Ed made his way off the bed as fast as he could, considering the current state of his body, and he found that wobbly legs made the task of gathering his clothes quite difficult. But he knew that he needed to remove himself from the situation. This wasn't a conversation he wanted. _Damn it, Ed, why didn't you just say ‘I love you too' like you were supposed to?_

"Ed, I don't think this is nothing." Roy stood as well, finding his pants and putting them on at least. "We need to talk."

"Nope." Ed about fell over trying to step into his pants, and he cursed. "There's no conversation to be had. I really need to get going. I know Al is expecting me at Gracia's for lunch."

Roy looked at him sadly, then shook his head and walked over, putting his hand on Ed's when he tried to get his shirt off the floor. "Edward." His voice was stern, and his eyes had a look of concern, especially since Ed seemed to refuse to meet his gaze.

"What, you bastard?"

"I need you to talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about!" Ed snapped, snatching his hand away and moving to put his shirt on. "I said something that I shouldn't have. That's all."

"I'm sorry for upsetting you. But I'm not taking back what I said."

Ed stopped his movements and looked at the man expectantly.

Roy sighed. "Edward, I don't understand why you responded the way you did. Maybe it's not for me to understand, maybe it's not for me to know. If that's the way it will be, so be it. But please know that in no circumstance would I ever lie about something as sensitive as that. I... I truly did mean it. Granted, I’m sure my timing wasn't the best, but it happened, and I stand by it." Roy stepped closer to the blonde, putting his hands on his shoulders and squeezing gently. "I love you, Ed. I'm not sure why you think I'm not being truthful. It pains me to know you don't believe me, and something tells me it's not because you think I'm lying per say." He gently guided the both of them to sit at the edge of the bed and was relieved when Ed followed. "After the Ishval Rebellion, life was...hard, to say the least. The amount of bloodshed that was had on all accounts was monstrous, not to mention the part that I was personally responsible for. I..." Roy paused, and huffed, "I fell into a dark state of mind for a long time. Right after I received my promotion to Lieutenant Colonel for my hand in the war, it hit me that I got rewarded for genocide. I got praised for people's suffering. And that didn't settle well with me." Ed began to notice that the man's hands were shaking slightly as he continued to speak. "There was a period of time where the thought of a barrel in my mouth was more permanent in my mind--the only things that offset it was one, I was a coward in every sense of the word, and two, some voice told me that I didn't deserve to leave this world by my own hands whenever I wanted to. That would have been too kind. The only thing that knocked me out of it was Maes." Roy hung his head, leaning and putting his elbows on his knees. "He came looking for me one day after I left the office. He found me half passed out in some books I had been reading with a bottle of brandy in one hand and my pistol in the other. I figured if I was too damn scared to put a bullet through my head, maybe the next best option would be to drink myself to death."

Roy breathed deeply, rubbing his face as Ed spoke softly, "Mus... Roy, why are you telling me all this?"

"Because I too know what it feels like to sin, to feel inner turmoil and intense guilt. I was at the brink of self-destruction, and I got pulled out of it. Maes was able to convince me to find it in myself to keep living, to find retribution. So, my mission is to rise to the top in our military. When I'm Fuhrer, I can change how our country is governed, and I vow to do away with so many policies and the people who were behind, or supported, the atrocities I was forced to be a part of."

"But what if, say, the goal is achieved, but you still feel hollow?" Ed muttered, looking to the side out the window, watching two birds hop along a tree branch. "What if you still can't shake the guilt, the pain? What if instead of feeling accomplished, you just end up feeling aimless?"

Roy smiled sadly, "It happens, and I've thought about that outcome. I don't believe that me achieving my goal will leave me satisfied for the rest of my time here on Earth. But...knowing that it will help me repent for my sins by keeping people from repeating the sins of others fills me with a sense of peace that I believe I can keep on with for the rest of my days."

"So... what would you focus on after?"

Roy shrugged. "I don't know for certain. I believe education is a good place to start. Amestris is high up academically in regard to usual studies, but in regard to, say, humanitarian beliefs and helping others around us, we fall short. The majority of us are closed minded people, and the only way to do away with that is to educate."

Edward nodded slowly, "So, take something you're interested in and apply it differently?"

"Precisely," Roy sat up straight, looked at Ed and smiled at the man. "Not everything is so black and white, especially in the grand scheme of things like life. You have a brilliant mind, Ed. You could teach at the university, for example. You were a certified state alchemist, a hero of the people. They would throw opportunities at you like no other.”

Ed frowned, “Yeah, except you’re forgetting that I can’t actually do alchemy anymore, remember?”

Roy shook his head, holding Ed’s hand in his. “Just because you lost the ability to do it doesn’t mean you can’t share it. You have the knowledge, the finite understanding of alchemic law and theory. What use is it to have ability if you’re without the knowledge, the understanding, and particularly, the moral compass? I believe that is something you can do. Teach others the knowledge you have accrued over the years. The university has never offered alchemic classes in its curriculum. Alchemists are usually self-taught, and I know from seeing it that it can end in teaching that is corrupt. I truly believe it would be a good idea for you, and that it may give you a bigger sense of purpose to better the mindset of others around you.” He looked Ed in the eyes, pushing his bangs back and smiling softly, “But, of course, only if you would like to pursue that option. I have a great relation with the dean of Central University, and I know from friendly conversations that he is a fan of yours.”

Ed said nothing for a moment, instead worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, then he took a shaky breath before speaking. “I... I always felt the one more responsible for what happened to Al. I mean, if I hadn’t suggested it, coerced him into it, making it sound like I had all the answers...none of what happened to him would have happened, ya know? And it’s not like I regret giving up my alchemy for my brother, because my brother is my life, and I don’t want to be selfish about anything because I was already selfish when we were younger and— “

Roy hushed him softly, pulling him close, “Ed, it’s human to be selfish, and being selfish does not make you a bad person. Your selfishness when you were younger, as you’re putting it, still had good intent, and that does make a difference, even if the end result was worse than what you anticipated. You still have a good heart. You’re not inherently evil or twisted.”

Ed was shaking his head, trying to hide his face behind a hand, biting back tears that he didn’t want to let fall, “Y-you’re just saying that. W-what I did was unforgivable. It was a monstrosity. It...”

“Yet your brother forgave you. Ms. Rockbell and her grandmother forgave you. Mrs. Curtis forgave you, too. We all forgave you. People sin, Edward. The difference between you and others is that you’re aware of your actions, and you wish to never repeat them, and you stop people who want to do bad things to good people. That is what makes you inherently good. That, Edward, is part of the reason why so many people, including myself, are so fond of you and cherish you. It’s also part of the reason why I love you.”

Inside Ed, something snapped, like a taut elastic band, and he heaved a hard sob. He tried to curve in on himself, but Roy wrapped his arms around him and held him close, rocking him slightly as he rubbed his back. And for the first time in a long time, Ed gave himself the opportunity to cry. Roy chose to say nothing, knowing sometimes that it was the best thing to do when someone was crying as hard as Ed was. After a minute or two, Ed's tears began to stop, and he wiped his face on the sleeve of his shirt and sniffled.

"R-Roy..." He paused, as if trying to figure out what to say, and then he looked into the older man's eyes, "I'm sorry for the way I responded to you before. I think...I think I was just in a state of such disbelief of what I heard that I just assumed the worst." He rubbed the back of his neck, looking sheepish. "That's probably one of my most unredeemable qualities..."

Roy chuckled lightly, "There's no need to apologize. I'm not angry with you by any means. Despite what I'm sure you have seen from me during difficult times, I have a lot of patience where sensitive matters are concerned."

Edward gave a lopsided smile, "Well, then maybe opposites do attract, because I lack patience in almost all situations."

"I guess you could say you have a short fuse?" That comment earned him a glare and Roy barked a laugh.

"I'm not even short anymore ya bastard. I'm just about as tall as you are." Ed playfully elbowed him in the side, then he gave a soft smile. "Thank you, really. I just...I guess I thought not acknowledging those kinds of thoughts would make them not real or something..." His smile faltered slightly, "Sometimes it comes and goes. But the thoughts never go away. That doesn't...that doesn't make me crazy, does it?"

"Not at all, Ed. My thoughts from back then haven't fully dissipated either. They just aren't nearly as strong. It takes a pretty terrible time to have that mindset again for me. It's not supposed to be a quick fix in my opinion. It's not going to be solved overnight, or in a month, and maybe not at all. Maybe coping is all that you can do. But coping is better than letting it eat you away until there's nothing left."

Edward gave a thoughtful nod, then stood, returning to dressing himself, "I'll keep that in mind. I really should give Al a call, though, if that's okay."

Roy nodded, standing to find his shirt from earlier and giving Ed a light kiss on the forehead, causing him to blush, "That's perfectly fine. Go ahead."

_I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you always remember just how important you are, Edward, even if it's the last thing I do._

***

The next time the phone rang, Alphonse went to answer it as Gracia was in the middle of mixing the filling for her glorious (and should be famous) apple pie.

“Hello, Hughes’ residence!”

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Oh, brother!” Al chirped brightly, “I was wondering if you were going to call! Gracia has lunch in the oven and she’s making some apple pie right now too!”

Ed chuckled, partly for his brother’s amusement and also his nervousness in regard to _why_ he hadn’t called. “Yeah, sorry. Mustang invited me into his library, and I was a little distracted while in there with him.”

Al raised an eyebrow, “You’re trying to tell me you’ve been distracted with the Colonel for…” He paused and looked at the clock, “…well over three hours now?”

Ed bristled with embarrassment, “W-whatcha tryna say, Al? Are you calling me a liar? We were just going through books, that’s all!”

“I didn’t say you weren’t,” the younger Elric chimed, and Ed swore he could hear his brother’s grin through the phone. “I think someone’s guilty conscience is talking. Anyway, do you plan on coming by?” Al paused and Ed heard who he presumed to be Gracia talking in the background. “Gracia says the Colonel is more than welcome to come by as well.”

“Alright, I’ll let him know. I’ll see you in a little bit.”

“Mhm. Bye!”

Ed put the phone on the receiver and sighed, trying to figure if he should keep to himself the changes in his and the Colonel’s relationship, or if he should tell him. Speaking of relationship, it dawned on Ed that the bastard told him that he loved him, and Ed never answered.

_Good fucking grief, Ed, you imbecile_.

He finds the man in his kitchen, cleaning some dishes that he had left in there prior to Ed’s arrival. Ed cleared his throat and spoke.

“Hey, I gave Al a call and he told me that Gracia said you should come by.”

Roy turned the water off and dried his hands, turning to face the younger man, “Do you want me to come?”

“I mean, it’s not for me to decide. You’re your own person, and she’s the host, not me.”

“Be that as it may, I do not wish to make you uncomfortable.”

“You just had your dick up my ass, _twice_ , and now you’re concerned with that?”

“Ever the linguist, aren’t you?” Roy huffed a laugh and walked over to Ed, placing his hands on his shoulders. “If it poses no problem towards you, then I would be delighted to join. I really should pay Gracia a visit more often, and I haven’t seen Elysia since her birthday party.”

Ed wrapped him in a tight hug, a surprise to the older man, and muttered softly, “I really am sorry for how I acted earlier…I just—”

“You’re fine, Edward. I promise, if anything you ever do bothers me in the slightest, I will make sure to tell you.”

“Yeah I know that,” he rolled his eyes. “You told me all the time for years whenever something I did bothered you. I think you made it part of your job honestly.”

“That’s different, Ed. That was work, this is not. This is a _relationship_. At least, I hope that is still what you would like to acquire from this.”

Ed pulled back, looking into Roy’s eyes, noticing the warm affection in them, and he returned that affection with a soft smile, “Yes, you idiot. I would. Also, I realized after I got off the phone with Al that I didn’t really respond to what you said to me earlier.”

Roy furrowed his brows, then shook his head worriedly. “No, Ed, it’s alr—”

“I love you too,” Ed spoke just above a whisper against the Colonel’s lips, and his heart melted at the look of relief that washed over his face before the man pressed his mouth against his own, ever so softly as he cradled the back of Ed’s head with a hand. The kiss made his knees weak, feeling the adornment that the man was showering him with.

Roy pulled away slowly and rested his forehead against Ed’s, looking into his eyes and chuckling.

“I hope you know I plan on making you sick of me by treating you so well.”

“Go ahead. Try me, ya bastard. I dare ya.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a 50/50 chance that this might be the end of the story and the next chapter will be an epilogue. We'll see :^)


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ms. Rockbell, not that it terribly alarms me that you are here, but I was made to believe we were not on the best of terms the last time we spoke.”
> 
> Winry flushed and set her cup down, “You are correct, we weren’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for sticking with me on this journey! It both delights and saddens me to say that this story has officially ended.
> 
> But not to worry! I have some other things in mind, and possibly something to stem off of this. We never got to go through Roy's journals, after all :^).
> 
> Bless you all and thank you again for taking the time to read my story, as well as leaving kudos and comments. It warms my heart.

There was a swift _rat-tat-tat_ on the front door followed by the ring of the doorbell. Roy stood from his place at his desk in the study, shaking his head at the fact that the doorbell did nothing to distract Edward from the book he was currently reading. He walked to open the door and was greeted by a face that he did not necessarily expect.

“Oh, Ms. Rockbell. Hello.”

“Hello Colonel,” Winry smiled sincerely, “Alphonse told me Edward was here, which was convenient, because I was actually wanting to speak with the both of you. I don’t want to impose, but would it be alright if I came in?”

Roy stepped aside and let Winry cross the threshold of his home, offering to take her coat and hang it on the coatrack next to the door and gesturing for her to remove her shoes next to his neatly placed ones, as well as Edward’s absurdly stacked ones.

“Would you like any coffee or tea, perhaps?”

“Tea would be lovely, thanks. Where is Ed?”

“He’s in my study. I’ll let him know you’re here, feel free to make yourself comfortable.” He nodded towards his living room where she went and found a chair to sit in as Roy walked back to the study. He crept up behind his lover and began rubbing his shoulders. “We have company, Ed.”

“Mmm, who?”

“Ms. Rockbell.”

Ed jolted upright in his chair and whipped around, his eyebrows furrowed, “Did she say why?”

“Not at all, just that she wanted to speak with the both of us. I have the kettle on the stove right now and she is in the living room as we speak. I’m going to make us all some tea and then join her in the living room. I suppose you will do the same?”

Ed sighed and shut his book, sitting it on the cherrywood table next to the green chair he was seated in and stood, stretching and letting his body get its kinks out before grudgingly making his way to where Winry resided. She was on the couch, scribbling on a notepad. Her hair was down, which was a change, and she had forgone her typical attire for a white blouse, ankle-length pants and sandals. He leaned against the doorway and crossed his arms. “Hey, Win.”

Winry jumped slightly at being startled before giving Ed a small smile, putting her notepad and pen away in her bag, “Hey, Ed. How’s your leg been holding up?”

Ed scoffed, walking over to the couch to sit across from Winry, “Don’t try to tell me you sat on a train just to make a personal visit on account of my leg.” He kept his arms folded, not entirely sure why Winry showed up unannounced, at Mustang’s residence of all places.

“You’re right, I didn’t come all this way for that.”

Roy walked in with a tray with a pot of tea, cups, and additives. He poured a cup for Winry (who muttered a small thank you) and then one for Edward before pouring his own and sitting down. “Ms. Rockbell, not that it terribly alarms me that you are here, but I was made to believe we were not on the best of terms the last time we spoke.”

Winry flushed and set her cup down, “You are correct, we weren’t.” She turned towards Edward and spoke, “First and foremost, I am terribly and gravely sorry to you, Ed. Looking through your journal was something that was uncalled for, and I made it even worse by calling the Colonel about the whole ordeal. I take full responsibility for what I have done, and I understand your anger towards me. I’m disappointed in myself for doing so, especially knowing that if the same were done to me, I would feel exactly as how you do. I hope, maybe with time, you can forgive me for my shortcomings.” She then turned to Roy, “And, for you, Colonel, I am also sorry for attacking you with no justified causation for doing so. I threw threats like it was nothing and, while I am sure they did not personally affect you, it was immature and disrespectful of me to do such a thing. Regardless of what I did or did not read, it was not my place to call and harass you over the matter, and I also hope that with time you may forgive me as well.”

Roy was the first to speak, jumping to it before Edward had the chance, “I wholeheartedly thank you for your apology, Ms. Rockbell. You are correct that it did not affect me very much, however it speaks a high amount about your character to realize your wrongdoings and subsequently apologizing for them. That is enough to warrant my forgiveness of you.”

Winry smiled softly, mumbled a small “thank you”, and then turned to Ed who had his arms cross with a frown on his face.

“I’ll have to say, Win, that this was out of character, even for _you_. It hurt me, what you did, and it makes me question my ability to share with you difficult or sensitive matters.”

“I understand, Edward.”

“Be that as it is, I do forgive you, simply because you are one of my closest friends, and I’m not going to let something like this get in the middle of it. Granted, I was pissed as hell, and still am kind of annoyed, but it surprises me that you took a train just to come apologize to the both of us.”

Winry’s smile grew, “Thank you, both of you. I have gift for you, Ed.” She reached into her shoulder bag and pulled out a delicately wrapped box, handing it over. “This is not to win over your favor, but simply to show how terribly sorry I am for not only tarnishing your trust in me, but also for damaging your personal property."

Ed raised a brow before opening the box and removing the decorative paper. Inside was a masterfully crafted book. Its leather was intricately detailed, thick, heavy, and shiny. The many pages in it had a silver foil detail along its edges. There was a lovely red sash that was attached to the book that was used to wrap around it and keep it bound, and there was also a pocket on the inner cover to store a few writing utensils.

Ed was taken aback, and he looked between the book and Winry, “Winry, I...”

“I got ahold of a friend in Rush Valley and had them make it for you, Edward. I tore apart the other one, remember?”

“Yeah, but there wasn’t a reason for you—”

“ _That_ right there is the reason. Besides, you deserve something nice to track your thoughts or what-have-you in. I know that it won’t completely erase the damage I did to your trust in me, but I hope that it can at least provide a safe space for you. Once again, I’m so sorry, Ed.”

Edward set the book onto the coffee table gently and rounded it, motioning for Winry to stand. She did, confused, and was surprised when Ed wrapped her in a tight hug.

“Thanks, Win.” He mumbled into her ear, and she let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding, happy that he at least in some sense truly did forgive her. For the first time in about a month, things finally felt right between them both.

She was the first to pull away, giving a smile and a nod to the both of them as she picked up her bag, “Since you didn’t mention anything about your leg, I’m going to assume that you’re fine until you’re due for maintenance. Which is about two months from now, so don’t forget that.” Edward groaned and she knocked him playfully in the shoulder, “Keep it up and I’ll put a cheaper model on you. Anyway, I need to get going. I’m meeting Al for lunch.”

Ed quirked a brow, “Oh? Where at?”

“Some soup and sandwich shop he mentioned.”

“A date, perhaps?”

Winry flushed, “I-I—”

Ed barked a laugh, “I love ya both, Winry. Do what you think is best for you, and do right by him, and we won’t have issues.”

Edward walked her to the front door, exchanged another small hug and waved her off as she went out the door onto the porch, down to the sidewalk. Ed shut the door and let out a small sigh, rubbing his head and then stretching. He turned and walked back to the living area, noticing that Roy was no longer there. He paused, confused, then heard the water began to run upstairs. He was safe to assume that Roy was probably taking a shower. They had a late start to their morning due to being up late discussing some alchemic theory that Ed had ran across in one of Roy’s books.

Ed jogged up the stairs to Roy’s bedroom—although he could almost call it _their_ room since he was in it so often—and made his way to the bathroom. Just as he expected, Roy was currently in the wide shower, and the glass door did little to hide all the wonderful parts of his body. Ed stood against the door frame and just admired. Roy was a walking dream; pale skin, ebony hair and eyes, toned body, not to mention his—

“Careful, Ed, a fly is going to go in your mouth if you leave it open long enough.”

A dark blush came up on Ed’s cheeks, partially for getting caught, and partially for the fact his mouth was open. The older man just chuckled and spoke on, “Care to join?”

Ed felt his mouth go suddenly dry and his body seemed to have moved on its own accord. He shed his clothes, revealing his already half-hard proof of affection, and made his way into the shower. Roy wrapped his arms around him lovingly, looking deep into his eyes as he kissed the blonde, and Ed wrapped his arms around him in return. They stayed like that under the rushing comfortably hot water for a few moments, simply taking each other in, enjoying the taste and feel of the person against them. They both mused, although did not disclose their thoughts to the other, about how this felt right, felt like home, felt like a future. The way they were completely enraptured with each other was almost too much to bear for the both of them, and Ed slowly kissed his way down the older man’s body until he was on his knees in front of him. Roy hummed, leaning against the shower wall, as Ed began mouthing at his skin near his pelvic area. Ed licked and kissed and bit softly, causing soft sounds to come from the man above him. He moaned softly when Roy tangled his hands in his hair, rubbing his scalp, and Ed moved his mouth over to the hard and red cock that was so deliciously hanging in front of him.

Roy felt like the air was knocked out of his lungs when Ed took him into his mouth as far as he could go, and he looked down, seeing a halo of gold upon tan shoulders, “Ed…hah…”. Ed’s tongue was sinfully soft, and even though they had just started their relationship relatively speaking, Ed was quick to learn all of his sweet spots. Roy was particularly sensitive along his frenulum, and Ed played him like a fiddle with his tongue, stroking and teasing and working him over beautifully. The blonde licked all along the hot flesh in his hand, placing open mouth kisses along the sides, pressing the head of the man’s cock into his cheek and licking along the sides. All the while doing his best to look up at the one above him. Ed’s eyes showed emotion like no other, and in those pools of gold Roy saw what the man was trying to convey—love, want, and a complete and utter sense of worship.

That last bit caused a spark of feeling to go down his spine.

“Ed…holy, the w-way you look at me…I…hmmmm…” Roy trailed off as Ed took him to the back of his throat. He brought his hand behind his sack and stroked his perineum, eliciting a shiver from Roy. Ed moved his head at a good pace, his hand following behind his lips, and it was starting to sound sloppy and lewd and like complete music to Roy’s ears.

Ed removed his lips, which were now red from constant friction and pressure, and began kissing along the other man’s hips, “Wanna know something kinda dirty?”

“Please enlighten me.”

“Ya know that night you invited us over to your house after that party you threw for me? After I ran off to the spare room, I took a shower, and got myself off thinking about doing this exact same thing.”

Roy’s brain came to a screeching halt. Ed, touching himself in his house, his spare shower. Rubbing and stroking and pulling his cock to the thought of being on his knees with another man’s dick in his mouth. The thought made his thighs tremble.

“Oh, and it made it better when I thought about you walking in for whatever-the-fuck reason and it happening on the spot…”, Ed mumbled against his head leaking clear fluid, “I wondered what would have happened if you found me like that. My hope was you’d make me drop down and do this…”

The hand in Ed’s hair twisted to make him look up, causing him to give a small pleasure-filled hiss. “Make you? Or _let_ you? Those are two separate words Edward.”

Ed’s face reddened, coupled with the heat of the shower and the new embarrassment over his choice of wording, “I-I…uh…”

Roy pulled his hair _hard_ , causing him to stand, and he was shoved roughly to the other side of the tile shower wall, “What, you like the thought of being forced to put my cock between your lips? You want me to fuck that pretty mouth of yours like I fuck your tight ass? And just when you get used to it, I go faster and faster? Is that what my dirty lover wants from me?”. Roy’s voice was tight and low, almost a growl, as he licked and bit along Ed’s neck. It made Ed’s insides turn to complete mush and he was liquid heat in his lover’s arms. All he could do was hold on for the ride as Roy began marking him left and right. Ed had learned pretty quickly that Roy had a bit of a possessive streak, and while he would never leave marks _too_ high, he definitely left plenty of marks out of sight. Sometimes when it would fade, Roy would freshen it up until it was a nice delicate bruise.

Ed would never tell him, but he loved being tattooed with Roy’s affection.

Roy pushed him back down to his knees with a wicked grin, “Go on, then. Work for it, Edward. Show me how bad you want this.” Roy took his length in his hand and rubbed the tip along Ed’s lips until they slowly parted, and then he fed his cock into the warm, waiting mouth.

Ed did his absolutely damnedest to work him over. In the deepest recesses of his fantasies, Edward wanted to be completely taken over by the man above him. He was so outlandish and brash that it was a bit dirty to be taken control of. It took him out of his element in a way that Ed _craved_ , and being shoved to his knees to blow his lover, albeit willingly, made him shiver with delight. Eventually, both of Roy’s hands found their way into Ed’s hair, and he got two fistfuls and pulled with just the right amount of pressure as he began shoving his cock into and back out of Ed’s mouth. Ed willed his throat to relax, gagging slightly but not enough to deter him. His own erection was heavy between his thighs, and every time he heard Roy choke back a groan, he could feel his dick throb and leak.

“I’m going—shit, I’m going to come all over your face, Ed. You—fuck, you want that don’t you?” Roy gasped between thrusts. Edward gave a hum to the best of his ability and was rewarded with the raven-haired man pulling out of his mouth and stroking his release onto his face. Ed opened his mouth, not really knowing why, but it was reflexive—almost like trying to catch snowflakes on a cold winter day.

Roy huffed for air and fell back against the wall, a look of relief and pure satisfaction crossing his features. His cheeks were heavily flushes from the heat building up in the shower. “I’ll tell you what…no amount of fantasies comes even _close_ to that, Edward.” Roy looked down and saw Ed’s cock throbbing angrily, and he smirked. “Come all over my tile floor, Ed. I want to see you touch yourself.”

Edward let out a high-pitched whine and stroked himself with enthusiasm. It did not take much, and a few strokes later he was coming all over his hand, the floor, and partially on Roy’s feet. Roy found it absolutely stunning how Ed would let his mouth fall open as he came, eyes lidded as he looked straight into his eyes, his hair suck to his face from water and sweat.

Roy helped him up to his feet. They both finished their showers and dried each other off. Ed had started to let Roy brush his hair and Roy reveled in it, knowing how much trust it must take for Ed to let him do such a thing. After he completed his task, he sat the brush on the bathroom counter, kissing the juncture between Ed’s neck and shoulder, and Ed gave a soft sigh.

“I love you, Edward. It makes me beyond elated that you’ve picked me out of everyone else in this world to spend your time with. I hope you believe me on that.”

The blond turned his face towards the older man and gave a warm smile, kissing his jaw and melting against him, “Love you too, Colonel Sap.”


End file.
